Thursday, December 24, 2009

Busted!

Due to my lack of mobility, we made a few changes to Christmas this year. Nothing major. Usually Felix and I stay up late on Christmas Eve, wrap all of the presents and put everything under the tree. Because I had to have so much help, we have been wrapping a little bit at a time and putting things under the tree because there was NO WAY I was going to make it on Christmas Eve.

Last night, I'm laying down with my boot off (shhhhhhh, don't tell the doctor) and Caleb comes in holding his drum set. Yeah, that would be the one that just got wrapped and put under the tree. Maybe teaching him to read isn't such a good idea. And he says...Mom, look what I got for Christmas!

Because I am trying not to laugh and because I can't get up, I call Felix who walks in and Caleb proudly tells him, "Look Dad! I got drums for Christmas". Felix explained that it wasn't Christmas and took it away.

And the tantrum of the century ensued. After watching the equivalent of the Tasmanian Devil with PMS...I am grateful my walls are still standing. We made him go and pick another gift from under the tree that he had to give back. So he went down started opening presents so he could decide what he was going to give back.

Felix was able to stop him before he got too far...but still...he is the first and only of our children BRAVE enough to even attempt opening Christmas presents before Christmas. And he didn't even try to be sneaky about it.

So while he was in time out, we had everyone else bring all of the presents to my room to remove the temptation of the holiday season!

And for all of you 'Children Cruelty Police' out there....he's gonna get his stuff back. Relax...no need to call child protective services!

Lessons Learned
1. There really was a reason why we waited to put presents under the tree. Who knew?
2. I forgot how hard it was to be 4.
3. I forgot how hard it was to be 4 with older sibling(s) who didn't make things any easier for you.
4. Now we get to lug everything down on Christmas Eve anyway. I'm thinking of using a sheet and creating a slide.
5. Perhaps we need to work on the reason for the season!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Say No To Drugs

Okay...even when drugs are pharmaceutical and approved by doctors there have to be limits.

Last Wednesday I had ankle surgery...no big deal...not gonna go into it...more than I expected...but learned a valuable lesson about drugs.

I was in recovery and ready to go home at about 2:30. My kind after care staff didn't want me to be uncomfortable so between 12:30 and 2:30 I had 2 shots of morphine and 2 Percocets. I was feeling pretty dang good so I started asking to go home. My sweet over-protective nurse said as soon as I can go to the bathroom I can go. Well, get me some crutches, I want out of here.

We head (okay hobble) to the bathroom where I trip over the nurses feet with my crutches because she is so close to me. We get to the bathroom, where she won't let Felix in to help me. She was so sweet, she wanted to do it herself! Ummm, no. I have space bubble issues I'll take care of it.

I get comfortable in the bathroom and she starts talking, talking, talking. Okay, stop talking. Then the wave of dizziness and nausea hit like a thundering brick wall. I grab onto the rail next to me, holding on for dear life! The nurse runs out to get me some alcohol swabs to sniff (which by the way really do help with nausea) and while the slow closing hinge takes its time to close the door I practiced my parade wave at all of the strangers looking at me, while holding on for dear life. The nurse came back in, I waved again.

After the nausea had passed I began raining on myself because I was sweating so badly! Really, it was like I was raining! Gross. The nurse starts talking again and apparently I have a shy bladder. So she has a trick, she leaves to get and get it and yes! Success...but only after I waved at the people in the hall again!

I go to wash my hands and I am standing there for maybe a whole 20 seconds when I tell the nurse to go and get the wheelchair and collapse over the sink. The nurse freaks out and throws my IV bag into the garbage. Yes INTO the garbage...she fishes it out and then goes to get the wheelchair. By that time Felix knows there is something going on. He says me laying on the sink and picks me up and puts me in the wheelchair. We head back to my hole in the wall recovery room, Felix safely driving me in the wheelchair, the nurse holding my IV. Someone stops the nurse to talk and as Felix continues driving and my IV line begins to stretch. Rather than wait for my IV to be ripped out my arm, I gently tug on it to remind the nurse there is someone attached to the bag she is holding!

We safely make it back and the solution to my sudden dizzy/nausea thing is of course, more drugs. Demoral and Phenergren. At this point I have had all of these drugs within a three hour time period. So what happens next...my blood pressure drops and I can no longer get enough oxygen. Great.

So my two hour stay in recovery has turned into a 4+ hour recovery. Kids: Don't do drugs.

Lessons Learned
1. Too much is too much.
2. It's hard to have bad feelings about the nurse because she was so sweet to the point of too much, but so sweet.
3. My foot is fat and ugly.
4. I still haven't looked at it.
5. I hate crutches!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Someone Just Moved to the Naughty List

Dear Santa,

I know you are just my parents and you might still have everyone else fooled. I am not that gullable and if you think otherwise try me. Let us just get to the part where you get me my presents. Just get me a $50-100 dollar iTunes gift card.

From Your Beloved Son,

Noah

No adjustments to spelling, grammar or content by the editor (i.e. the mommy)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

A Bad Day, Eyes Opened, Humility Achieved

Friday was a bad day. Lots happened. But a friend wrote this and posted it on:
http://www.themoralcompass.org/?cat=3 in response to all of the activities of Friday.

A Question of Responsibility
Saturday, November 21st, 2009

Ever since the national media abandoned it’s journalistic integrity during the 2008 Presidential campaign and election, I have been extra-sensitive to the irresponsible journalism that seems to be rampant among our radio and television stations, and in our newspapers and news magazines.
Recent revelations about misleading video from both conservative news outlets (Fox) and liberal ones (MSNBC to name one among several) lead me to believe that those who have chosen journalism as their occupations have abandoned sound principles and practices that should be synonymous with the profession.

Indeed, news outlets these days routinely violate most or all of the nine elements of journalism as described by Bill Kovach in his book The Elements of Journalism: What Newspeople Should

Know and The Public Should Expect:
Journalism’s first obligation is to the truth.
Its first loyalty is to the citizens.
Its essence is discipline of verification.
Its practitioners must maintain an independence from those they cover.
It must serve as an independent monitor of power.
It must provide a forum for public criticism and compromise.
It must strive to make the significant interesting, and relevant.
It must keep the news comprehensive and proportional.
It’s practitioners must be allowed to exercise their personal conscience.

Media outlets large and small, from local newspapers to multi-national news conglomerates, pay no attention to these tenets, and seem only to invoke them when it suits their purposes. And that’s one of my questions: what are their purposes? Surely not to expose the truth. Surely not to accurately report the facts. Surely not to remain independent from those they cover.
Here’s a good example. Today, the Daily Herald of Provo, Utah, ran this story: Pleasant Grove officials shut down swingset after collapse. Shortly after the Daily Herald ran their story, KSL, a Utah-based radio and television station, picked up the story, posting the internet version here: Swingset collapses, ends in near miss on playground.

I was at the board meeting in which this event was ‘discussed.’ In reality, after 1.5 hours of working on school issues such as whether or not to sign up for the federal free and reduced school lunch program, whether to accept federal Title I funds (which we declined), the necessity of drafting and adopting a school bullying policy, reviewing the YTD 2009 budget, and several other things, one board member simply asked what the status of the playground equipment was after the collapse.

Another board member mentioned that she’d seen the incident, and using obvious hyperbole, described her reaction. Everyone in the room laughed at the blatant exaggeration, including the Daily Herald reporter. It seemed to me he understood that hyperbole was being used.
The school principal explained that a local playground equipment company had come at her request to examine the equipment. They found additional areas of concern, and were willing to dismantle the equipment and replace it.

This discussion took all of 5 minutes.

And then those two stories appeared in the news the next day.
You may ask why I’ve got my knickers in a twist over this. Well, I’ll tell you:
The Daily Herald reporter misled his readers by taking a comment that was an obvious exaggeration and using it out of context. This did two things: first, it made an otherwise mundane story much more provocative, and second, it completely misrepresented a school board member. “Is that such a big deal,” you say. Yes it is. Go read the comments on KSL.com attached to this story. You can see how a vast majority of the commenters completely bought in to the out-of-context comment, and as one commenter put it were duped “hook, line, sinker, rod, and copy of Angler Times.”

A KSL reporter inteviewed the board member this morning on the phone, and unbeknownst to her, recorded their conversation which was subsequently broadcast over the airwaves. The sound bite was posted together with the text of the article, and was available to the public for several hours. KSL has since removed the illegally-recorded sound bite, but without a public apology for obtaining the recording without the board member’s consent.

Early versions of both the Daily Herald and the KSL stories completely misrepresented the playground equipment company, stating that the company was alternately “the manufacturer” or “the installer” or both. The truth is that the playground company was neither the manufacturer nor the installer, but came at the request of the school to help the school out. Neither the Daily Herald nor KSL bothered to verify facts about the playground company. As you’ll notice, current versions of the story have removed references to the playground equipment company, but with nary a public apology to the company for damaging their reputation.

“Methinks thou dost protest to much,” you may say. Well here’s the thing. This is just another example of shoddy reporting by media outlets. No attention to detail or even the truth at all. What’s Bill Kovach’s first element of journalism? “Journalism’s first obligation is to the truth.” Neither the Daily Herald nor KSL exhibited any concern for reporting the truth. They both wanted a sensational story. They both took the truth and twisted, misrepresented, mangled, and otherwise destroyed it to create a sensation. They succeeded, and you might even say (and I’m sure they would say) they were just applying Kovach’s seventh element of journalism: “It must strive to make the significant interesting, and relevant.” Well they certainly made it interesting, but at what cost? At the cost of the truth. A journalist’s first obligation is to the truth. The use of out-of-context comments, hyperbole, and half-truths to meet #7 are unjustifiable. #1 is the most important. That’s why it’s #1.

Further, neither reporter bothered at all with Kovach’s #3 element “[Journalism's] essence is discipline of verification.” This element is #3 for a reason. The word “essence” means “the choicest or most essential or most vital part of some idea or experience.” No journalistic essence here, no discipline of verification. Neither reporter attempted to verify elements of the story with regard to the playground company before publication. Had they done so, the inaccuracies of the early version of the stories would NEVER have made it to print, electronic or otherwise. It’s a damning testament to these reporters’ shoddy and lackadaisical work that those inaccurate references even had to be removed.

And finally, neither the Daily Herald nor KSL will be held accountable or responsible for these obvious attempts at sensationalist and revisionist journalism. They won’t be held accountable or responsible for misrepresenting the truth, maligning a school board member and a playground equipment company, and obtaining a sound bite recording without consent. They both silently cover up their filth by simply having it removed from public view. Any other professional organization that made such mistakes would be held accountable and responsible; perpetrators would resign in shame, the organization would apologize, it would be expected to implement procedures to keep such things from ever happening again.
But not the news media. They take us all for dupes and fools, and we let them do it.

Bill Kovach is right. We should expect more, much more, from journalists.

So now is a good time for me to point out my lessons learned. There were many, so I am going to stray from usual format.

1. Words can hurt even on accident. And to those who were unintentionally hurt by my words...again, my sincerest and humblest of apologies.
2. There is a fine line between the first amendment and morality.
3. It's okay to cry.
4. It's okay to cry in front of others.
5. My heart still hurts.
6. Story telling is going to be tainted for me from now on.
7. I'm a lot more emotional than I let on.
8. I'm going to have to dig deep to stay brave enough to let people in.
9. I'm not a quitter, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to tread more lightly.
10. I will be investing in duct tape for my mouth when I am in public forums.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Nothin' Says Swearin' Like Me in a Car

I've spent quite a bit of time on the freeway the past several weeks and I thought I would share some insight as to what I've learned.

Before I begin I would just like to issue a disclaimer about:

1. I am a competent driver. Did I say good...no. Did I say bad...no. Competent. And don't call my dad. Period.

2. When I get really stressed my brain misfires and says all sorts of things it shouldn't. Don't worry this is a family blog and I'll keep it clean for the kids.

Ten Things I've Noticed While on the Freeway
1. Just because you are an idiot, doesn't mean you have to share it with the rest of us while you are in control of a potential killing machine. I don't care if you are an idiot and I don't want to know.

2. I have two middle fingers too, but that doesn't mean I need to show them to you. And even though you were sharing them with someone else, I didn't need to see them. Really...it just makes me refer to observation number 1...and yes you are an idiot. Keep your hands on the wheel.

3. Merge means-take turns and keep traffic flowing...NOT speed up in order to cut someone off and utilize observation number two which makes me think of observation number 1. You still look like an idiot.

4. You know those signs that talk about the double white line and not crossing them to get into the carpool lane. Yeah, those are there for a reason...and carrying a mannequin or cadaver does NOT qualify you for the carpool lane...I'm pretty sure you have to be breathing. And the dude from yesterday, that was going 2 miles under the speed limit to avoid getting noticed in the carpool lane...the picture of your girlfriend and/or wife doesn't qualify you either. That made ME want to utilize observation number 2 just because you ARE observation number 1.

5. When stuck in bumper to bumper, stand still, I should get out and walk traffic, please turn your radio down or roll your windows up. I understand that you spent a lot of money on those speakers that you only use during your commute...but making me listen to music I hate only reinforces observation number 1.

6. Do you remember when we were in grade school, okay kindergarten and we were learning how to do a dot-to-dot puzzle? The big orange barrels are the same. They form a line...not an obstacle course. Weaving when not drunk just scares the )**(^(**& out of competent drivers and points out that you are observation number 1.

7. Big trucks need to understand and re-affirm their own car body image. No one likes to be the fat friend...but when you are...and you are pushing me...that is rude...it is dangerous...and you stop being a friend and instead become a politically correct above average size vehicle endangering the lives of others. Look in a mirror...your freakin' truck should have plenty. You observation number 1.

8. Preparation is always a good thing. You know for like natural disasters, reports, vacations and getting on the off-ramp. Careening across all of the lanes because you were either (a) not paying attention (b) were paying attention but like to make a game out of driving on a congested highway or (c) are observation number 1 is stupid. Do you hear me? It is STUPID, unnecessary and dangerous. I kind of like breathing, I wanna keep doing it.

9. I have passed 2 upside down vehicles in less than 2 weeks. Those black rubber things on the bottom of your car are called tires, they go round and round. The top of your car is not conducive to moving from point a to point b. If you can avoid observations 1 through 9 you have a good chance of staying on your tires and getting where you need to go.

10. Finally...I am just as fond as the next guy, of hanging your hand out the window and 'going with the flow'. Keep your arm close to your car...think roller coaster keep arms inside the vehicle at all times. The guy that was trying to touch all of the cars that drove next to him...yeah...you are gonna miss your arm when it's gone.

Lessons Learned
1. I hate driving.
2. I hate driving on the freeway.
3. I drive way too much.
4. I should concentrate on my own driving and less on others and maybe I will move from competent to good.
5. Please don't call my dad and ask about my driving....please.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Your Other Right

So like, we are at Walmart checking out at the self-checkout (by the way that is a whole 'nother story) waiting for the self-checkout Nazi to come and fix it AGAIN when Felix sees someone we know.

He says, "Hey, Larry is over to your right, I'm going to go and say hi!"

So I crane my neck to the left and managed to almost turn in a full circle looking for Larry, when in my dizzy-ing spin I am back to Felix and he says, "Ummmmmm, your other right."

Lessons Learned
1. Sadly, that really happened.
2. I didn't get it until I saw Felix again.
3. He was tempted to just let me spin in circles.
4. Can't say that I blame him.
5. You know what, I have a lot on my plate right now and the difference between left and right is NOT one of them.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Lights, Camera...OUCH!

I don't know about the rest of ya, but we have a problem at my house. My lights cannot seem to get turned off. IT'S INSANE!!!!!!

So last night we had a little training session. We took a few minutes, showed the kids exactly how light switches worked. Once they understood the concept, we did some exercises to warm up and let Savannah have the first try.

She was so mad at us by that point she hit the switch to hard and jammed her finger.

Really.

Lessons Learned
1. More warm ups.
2. Less light bulbs.
3. More dark.
4. Less complaining.
5. More or less.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Return of the Children of the Corn

Ahhhhh....this years visit to the corn maze was bittersweet. We had so much fun last you in Colorado with the fam (and superly awesome extended fam), that even though we had a blast we felt like something was missing. But we went anyways.

We rounded up all of the chicklets and let Caleb invite a friend. The older kids get to have friends come with us to various activities all of the time, but as the caboose, Caleb usually gets the shaft. So we decided that he could invite Megan...his most favorite person in the whole wide world.

We got there, it was packed thanks to Fall Break, but we managed to find a decent parking place and get everyone in and going. The very first thing we did was head to the ginormous inflatable dinosaur that had the awesome sound of a heartbeat coming out of it. It was a dinosaur, how cool. So we lined up, held hands, and headed into the dark abyss of the dinosaurs mouth.

We passed the uvula (which by the way, means it is a girl dinosaur and if you don't know what I am talking about you need to watch Monster House, nuff said), and went down the throat...I've always wanted to really jump down someones throat...it just happened to be an inflatable dinosaur at a corn maze. We made it to the heart, with the very exciting red flashing lights and heart sounds...and the kids were all flipping out.

Our little group of seven passed the heart and made it to what I assume was the stomach, were you got sprayed with 'stomach juices' (try and use my imagination for a minute, OKAY?) and there was the sound of pht-pht-pht-pht-pht-pht...kinda like a machine gun. Noah literally pulled hims arms out of his jacket as a reflex. Caleb jumped a foot in the air. Megan started crying. Baylee was walking around in circles. And Savannah found the emergency exit, held the flap up to let in the light and was yelling, "Go! Go! Go!" Okay that isn't really what she said, but it sounded a lot better than, "Come on, we are getting out of here...the kids are crying." So Felix and I did what any responsible parent would do, we sent everyone out with Savannah and he and I finished.

The best part was when we tripped over the wet pants that had been abandoned and then we were 'pooped' out somewhere near the tail. We loved that the kids really only had about 10 seconds left until the end, but we did feel bad Megan cried. Oh, we also think our kids are chickens and they need to toughen up a bit. Can you tell I loved the dinosaur and watching my kids get freaked?

Then we went on the tractor, wagon ride thingamabob and then let the kids go on the cow tractor. We enjoyed the pig races...my personal favorite was Swill Clinton, but Hammah Montana was a personal favorite too.

Then it was off to the maze. Savannah wanted to be navigator. She is really a good navigator, but here is the problem...she doesn't wait for anyone else. Noah, well, he is a slow walker...he mosey's, just like his dad.

We made it about halfway through, following a long series of Savannah, hurry ups and Noah, catch ups. By this time Noah was near tears because his legs hurt so bad, so I took over. (And if you scroll through Savannahs Facebook comments, you will find out how she felt about me taking over.) By the way, if you ever want to get through a corn maze fast...let me 'drive'. I had it down to a science. We were out in 5 minutes.

So then we made it to the hay ride, and we got an extra long one because they had to pick up the tire that fell off of the hay ride before us. While we were on the hay ride, we got to watch the UHP helicopters circle, along with the KSL helicopter around another part of Thanksgiving Point. And you know what, I watch COPS way too much, because I totally knew there was somebody they were looking for. And gas is too expensive for helicopters to just come and hang out at the corn maze.

We decided to finish up with the bouncy bubbles. Baylee, Caleb and Megan had the time of the their lives, while Felix and Savannah checked out the rocks. Poor Noah just sat on a bench and hung his head.

We left and stopped at a cute little pumpkin patch in Highland and picked out our pumpkins. By the time we got home, Noah had a ginormous fever. Maybe I should start checking before I tell him to quit whining.

Lessons Learned
1. I totally want to take my kids to a haunted house or forest just to freak 'em out.
2. Corn Mazes are more fun in the dark.
3. Holiday stuff is WAY more fun with family.
4. I need to find the stupid connector cord for my camera so I can post pictures.
5. I want to take Noah back when he is feeling better so it will at least not be a bad memory.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

They're Fake!

Okay, the blog below shows reasons why it is good to be me. Actually, they're fake. All of those 'things' have kinda, sorta happened the past few weeks, but those are the catalyst that gets me thinking about why it's good to be me.

So here is why it REALLY is good to me:

1. I have a very hectic life that leaves me little time to dwell on the stressful stuff.

2. I have 4 wonderful kids who like to talk and imagine and make their possible futures HUGE!

3. I have a 12 year old that is really good at reminding me why less hormones is not necessarily a bad thing.

4. I have a 9 year old that makes Dr. Seuss' imagination look like Dick and Jane can read.

5. I have an 8 year old that refuses to quit (in a REALLY, REALLY good way).

6. I have a 4 year old that likes to tell me that even though I am his best friend, he is still going to marry Megan Grant.

7. I have a (age omitted) husband who is incredibly patient with my imagination and goings on.

8. I have a (age omitted) husband who works really hard so the rest of us can explore and learn.

9. I have wonderful people around me, who although must be rolling their eyes at this point, are great to stand around me and have another good chuckle.

10. I have been blessed to learn the lesson that no matter how hard things get, at least I'm here for the ride.

Lessons Learned
1. Sometimes I really have to search through the trials to find the blessings, but they are always there.
2. It isn't going to be easy, so stop expecting it to be that way.
3. If you accept things as they are, instead of trying to make them what you want them to be, it is SO much easier.
4. You don't have to work as hard as you think you do to make everything 'Perfect'. Maybe things are perfect just the way they are.
5. Find even the smallest bit of good, makes the bad just that more tolerable.

Gosh, It's Good to Be Me

Given the usual crazy events of the past few weeks, I thought I would jot down a few of the reasons why it's 'Good to be me'.

1. My children know I am shallow enough they can tell me I am pretty to get my laundry basket.

2. My children know I am not smart enough to have conversations about the workings of the galaxy, so they will pick me to make themselves feel better about what they do know (I am just giving like that).

3. I'm so good, I only have to sit down to ruin someones day.

4. I have perfected the art of 'loving everyone else' more than the child that is talking to me.

5. I never take time for myself. One less thing on the 'To-do' list.

6. I'm smart enough to hide in the bathroom.

7. But dumb enough to come back out.

8. I have lost enough brain cells that I am able to find profound lessons in cartoons.

9. I have enough brain cells left that I realize there really are profound lessons in cartoons.

10. When my head isn't busy spinning off, it is sitting quietly upon my shoulders looking baffled.

Lessons Learned
1. There is more to me than meets the eye.
2. Maybe too much.
3. A hectic life has to kill brain cells...that is the only explanation.
4. Or maybe, they are all hiding....hmmmmmmm.
5. Maybe there is more going on than I think.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Have a Nice Trip! See Ya Next Fall!

Before I begin this sordid little tale, a big HIGH FIVE to LORE for inspiration on the title! Thanks for the funny this morning.

Ahhhh, the second Thursday night of the month...YAY Bunko!!! I hadn't really been out since my surgery and was so very excited to have some time giggling with the girls! I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay and have some laughs the whole time, but you would be amazed how much I can fit into a short period of time.

I got to Liz's house and as usual the house was filled with exotic and delicious smells (Liz is a FAB-O cook, chef really). While the final preparations were going on, we chatted in the kitchen waiting for the stragglers and finding out if everyone was going to be able to make it.

People (except for those who were going to be really late) had arrived and the food was ready. After a blessing on the food, it was time to dig in! Curry chicken, yummy sauce, fruit, salad the works! I love bunko...really, it isn't about the game, it's about the food.

Because I am a separatist eater, I like to get my food relatively close to last. Before everyone thinks I am a food bigot, I like to mix my food too, just a little bit at a time. I have a sensitive palate...OKAY? I got a little of everything, neatly organized on my plate and began to head down the stairs to the group.

I made it down the first few stairs...NO PROBLEM. Somewhere in the middle, something went horribly wrong. I felt myself rapidly falling backwards and so like any normal person, I threw everything in the air, grasped for something to hold onto and then enjoyed the ride of my life on my bum.

THUD, THUD, THUD

I remember three hits to the tush, could be more, could be less. I was there, but wasn't planning on counting anything so I didn't.

And then I saw the mess in front of me. Food everywhere. Ice water covering the floor. A red plastic cup...but where the heck was the plate? It really did take me like two whole minute to find the plate. It was behind the chair near the open top lamp. Oooohhhhhh, that reminds me... Note to Liz: Check the lamp for bits of food.

Thank goodness for my friends who were overly concerned about my clumsy self. Thanks for the laughs. And thanks for loving me even though I am a total dork.

Lessons Learned
1. Ow.
2. I am SO grateful for my cushy bum.
3. Friends love you even when you are a dork....a really, really big dork.
4. Laughter (again) is really the best medicine.
5. When going to friends houses that have wood floors, wear gripper socks.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Great Fruit Fly Invasion of 2009

Fruit flies are common, not so common you see them every day. Common enough, that the occasional piece of fruit gone bad (so sad) brings them out and annoy you until you have cleaned the mess and swatted at them until you are so irritated you can scream....and then they are gone.

Last week we asked Savannah to empty the garbage in one of the bathrooms. She had a fit because there were fruit flies around the garbage. World War Three ensued and eventually the Allies (Mom and Dad) won and Savannah took the garbage out of the house screaming that they were following her and somebody open the door.

I decided to go see how bad it was. It wasn't and then I lectured the kids about taking food upstairs and throwing food away in the garbage cans that WERE NOT emptied every day. After my superior lecture on the proper care of garbage, Noah and Baylee both looked at me and said, "Did you look up?" Huh?

I go back up to the bathroom, look up and find like millions, OKAY, hundreds of fruit flies. GROSS. I almost felt bad about Savannah screaming at that point. ALMOST.

So I opened the window, took off the screen and tried to shoo them out. It didn't work. No worries, I'm a fighter. I grabbed my environmentally friendly bottle of Windex made with vinegar and went after the buggers (get it? buggers).

After half a bottle of Windex, nearly an entire roll of paper towels and after 125 captured or killed, I stopped counting.

By that time I was a bit cheeky. In my best accent (of which I have none), I meandered around the bathroom telling the evil doers "Say 'ello to my leetle fren'." I would catch them, squish them and show them to the remaining fruit flies with the understanding that they were next.

Eventually, there were but two left...until I went into the other bathrooms. Savannah and Felix had been doing research at this point and found the best remedy for capturing fruit flies.

Put about a half inch of apple cider vinegar in a cup, cover REALLY TIGHTLY with plastic wrap and poke with small holes. Place the cup where the fruit flies gather and they will crawl through the holes and get trapped. On occasion, the nasty critters will find a way out, but overall there is a 90+% success rate.

AWESOME!!!

Lessons Learned
1. No one is eating upstairs again ever...especially fruit. Fruit is a kitchen only food.
2. The internet really DOES have all the information you could possibly imagine.
3. I think I may have a dark side when it comes to critter killin'.
4. We all have to do things we don't want to, but in this case I WANTED TO.
5. We are down to about 2 in the whole house and they don't have long to live!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I'll Save You!!!

I made a quick run to the grocery store. As usual, I was living in my own happy little world. I made my way to the car pondering the plight of the world. As I got closer to my car, I noticed a particularly still body, yes a body, in the car parked in front of me. Thinking that someone had left a child in the car (and having been in that situation before), I completely flipped out, grabbed my cell phone to call 911, and ran to the car.

Though it was only 15 feet away, I arrived breathless in anticipation of the horrid scene I would see. In a panick, I peered through the window and made eye contact with the glazed eyes of a lifeless mannequin.

Reality is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Wish you were here.

Lessons Learned

1. Being alert is good.
2. Pretending to be alert is bad.
3. I was just trying to help.
4. Thank goodness I didn't dial, but I WOULD HAVE.
5. There is no cure for stupidity.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

It Might Be a Monday If...

It might be a Monday if...

...a friend wants to know who eats the 'bread butts' at your house.

...you find a corn cob holder (with the really long pointy things) in your bed.

...you receive a dissertation on why 1 is NOT plenty.

...you are bombarded with questions about the accuracy of pinpointing meteors and asteroids and their current trajectory towards earth (yes, he is 9).

...there is an argument over whether the earth revolves around a particular person OR the sun.

...you keep finding blown up pool rafts all over the house.

and finally, it might be a Monday if...

...you have to tell the 4 year old to take the underwear off of his head before he says prayer.

Lessons Learned

1. I suppose Monday has its' perks.
2. Still not a fan of Monday.
3. Maybe I need to find compassion for Monday. I mean, if I am this complainy, imagine how Monday feels when EVERYBODY hates it.
4. It is nice to know that humor doesn't pause on Monday.
5. I'm glad it's Tuesday.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Ten Reasons Why a Hospital Stay IS a Vacation

It was a given that Hawaii was just not an option this summer. With all of the broken people (me included), we really were just facing survival. However, I decided to make the best of a frustrating situation and decided that my surgery and way to brief hospital stay WAS my vacation.

Here's why:

10. Anesthesia is probably the best sleep you can get.
9. You don't have to cook.
8. You push a button and people ask you what you want instead of telling you to give them the remote.
7. You get to lay in bed and no one around you complains about it.
6. People bring you food on a schedule.
5. When you have visitors and you get tired, you just tell them it's the drugs and close your eyes...they go away.
4. Someone else cleans the bathroom.
3. All the diet coke (caffeine free, of course) you can drink...with the good ice.
2. Wearing a hospital gown means less laundry.
1. You ask for drugs and people BRING them to you.

All in all...vacation is, well, vacation is what you make it.

Lessons Learned
1. While I can turn it into a vacation, I wouldn't want to do it on a regular basis.
2. I'm still not gonna vacuum.
3. The world doesn't stop turning if the mommy doesn't do EVERYTHING!!!
4. Sometimes 'vacations' help people realize they are more capable than they think they are.
5. Sometimes 'vacations' help people realize they don't have to be everything, to everyone, all of the time.

Monday, August 24, 2009

1/2 a Tank of Gas and Intestinal Fortitude

Ahhh, another relaxing, quiet Sunday afternoon. Just what we needed. With how hectic this summer has been and the past two weeks in particular, a family drive sounded like a brilliant idea. BRILLIANT IDEA!!

We headed up American Fork Canyon, with the plan to do our usual Alpine Loop run. We decided to take a little detour and head towards Granite Flats, just to see the little reservoir. As we were turning around in the parking lot, Felix said, "Hey do you want to go down that road a little ways?" Sure, why not. It was rocky, bumpy and I had abdominal surgery 2 weeks ago, but SURE, let's do it.

We began to meander down the very rocky, very bumpy road and we turned it into an adventure by telling the kids we were on the lookout for the PERFECT camping spot. Everyone had their eyes peeled and we were finding all sorts of that beautiful nature stuff to point out to one another.

After about 45 minutes (maybe an hour), the roads got to be very narrow. Very few cars, and the only ones we did see were either Jeeps or those little Polaris, Honda 4 wheel drive golf carts. At first it was no big deal to pull off to one side and let the car on the outside pass. That is until we were on the outside, about 1000 up and I discovered my irrational fear of heights and falling to my death one death spiral down the canyon after another. Whatever.

After about the third time, I started bracing myself everytime we saw someone coming in the opposite direction. I pretty much stopped doing the whole courtesy wave thing because I decided everyone that was up here was either crazy or stupid...us included. I was still panicking (on the inside because I didn't want to freak the kids) even when we were only maybe 500 feet up from certain death.

After hour number two, we took a quick pit stop so the boys could christen the tires with their bodily fluids, while we girls suffered in silence. About 15 minutes later, we finally saw our first sign in a good solid hour. It had letters and arrows and everything! One arrow pointed to Midway, the other pointed to Cascade Springs. We took a quick poll and Cascade Springs won. There was a method behind this madness...the road went down. We were ready to go DOWN. Felix voiced his opinion that we should take the other road, but we were a democratic car at that point and the DOWNs had it. (Later on we would discover how absolutely right Felix was, and how ABSOLUTELY wrong the rest of the car was).

We headed down for some time and the road got narrower and narrower and narrower. Ummmm, just so you know, Durangos are VERY WIDE. We had a lovely view of DOOM and DESTRUCTION on one side and on the other we could have rolled our windows down and licked the mountain. Finally we reached an area where there was ALMOST a whole lane of road.

And around the corner came flying a couple of ATVs. Quick question...why would you ride an ATV with a cigarette in the middle of the forest? Just curious.

So we continued on our trek, we were very exited about all of our butterfly sightings and then the dirt turned red. And then we were back on rocks at a four way crossing. We stopped...we looked...we pondered. Two roads went down, one went up. Abandoning my previous theory of DOWN, I said the last sign we saw said this way to Cascade Springs. If we were supposed to turn, wouldn't there be another sign? So I won the battle and we went up. About 15 minutes later we came to a round about type of thing. And we all lost it. We had been in the car for almost three hours. We had no idea where we were, and no idea how to get out of where we were.

We decided to press forward. Nothing SCREAMS stress like a narrow road, trees and bushes careening into the car and looking down, very, very down. Then we came out of the trees, the kids started crying and we realized our car might be too wide for the bloody road. Okay, it was too wide for the bloody road. We paused and pressed on. I watched on one side, Felix watched the other, realized not the entire tire was on the road. GROOVY. Then we had the fun experience of driving on the side of the mountain to avoid a boulder, and yes, I was totally doing the whole 'Speed' (the movie) thing of everyone lean to the side so we don't tip over thing. About 2 minutes later we came to a switchback and 2 minutes after that we were on a paved road.

Two minutes after that we were at Cascade Springs. HALLE-FREAKING-LUJAH.

Lessons Learned
1. Don't take the family off-roading (especially the 84 year old grandma...SO WAY NOT FAIR to her when it is a surprise).
2. Durangos are not good off roading cars...too big.
3. I don't like heights unless I am in a controlled roller coaster type environment.
4. ADVENTURE SUCKS!!!!!
5. Being bland and boring really works for me.

Monday, August 10, 2009

I Didn't Know Peace Was Wet

So, I was really looking forward to alittle bit of downtime yesterday. I desperately needed it. With surgery looming tomorrow and the hectic events to prepare today, yesterday was supposed to be my 'IT' day. You know, low key, no big, no stress, no nothing. Welcome to my world, where classic definitions and reality collide. The Morgan family has its' own personal take on the Big Bang Theory...it is what happens around here on a daily basis.

After church, which was edifying and beautiful, we came home to settle down to a finger food lunch. One of those lunches where you each all of the little bits left in tater tot bags, taquito bags, pizza roll bags, etc. After lunch, we though we would hook up the media server and watch a flick with the kids.

As Felix was attempting to hook everything up and getting frustrated by the mere fact that nothing ever worked they way it was supposed too, we had to take the TV off the wall to check some connections and settings. Well of course we did. Which I decided was a perfect opportunity to move the bracket so that the TV was FINALLY centered on the wall.

After some fun with power tools, we get the TV all hooked up and back on the wall, go to try the server and realize we need the wireless keyboard. Felix goes into the storage closet to get it and out loud wonders why he is standing in an inch of water. Stupid pump on the AC tripped the GFI and stopped pumping...I'm thinking all sorts of asterisks and ampersands in my head right now instead of swearing...just so you know.

So long story short, we rip out the carpet, the pad, the tack boards, throw bleach all over the concrete floor and baseboards to kill anything that might be growing (FYI...no mold, just mildew) and set the fans. Sigh...really, really big sigh.

We leave our basement, dejected and sad, but realize that there is a heck of a lot worse out there. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it, but there is. We are PRETTY DANG lucky.

Lessons Learned
1. I am having to stretch on these, so be patient.
2. I will NEVER do another addition, EVER, even if I live in a VW van on the banks of the river.
3. I will NEVER do another pump...drains only.
4. I will find the bright side...which is new flooring...eventually.
5. I think as frustrating as this is, at least it makes for good story telling.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Any Job Worth Doing is Worth Doing Well

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION IS EXACT. SOME SUBJECT MATTER MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR ALL AUDIENCES. WHILE GROSS AND DISGUSTING IN NATURE, IT IS THE SUBJECT MATTER OF KINGS, PRINCES AND ALL MANNER OF 4 YEAR OLDS.

ADDITIONAL WARNING: AUTHOR WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR INJURIES CAUSED BY EXCESSIVE SHOCK, LAUGHTER OR FALLING OFF OF CHAIRS.

I took the kids out to dinner last night because Felix was out of town and it is kind of a tradition when Felix is out of town. Of course in the middle of dinner Caleb had to go to the bathroom, because we were at a public place and my children always have to go to the bathroom when they are out in public.

After Caleb went to the bathroom, he looked at me and said, "It's always good when I don't pee on my face." I happen to agree with that statement.

Then he said, "Want to know why I don't pee on my face?" Out of a sincerely frightened and disgusting curiousity, I did.

And of course the reason is, "Because my parents did a good job."

Lessons Learned
1. I have always wanted to know that my children were successful...this wasn't quite what I was looking for, but even small victories are victories.
2. Isn't it awesome when, even as a 4 year old, you have some control over your world.
3. I'm glad I can count on my children to tell it like it is.
4. Thank goodness that conversation happened in the bathroom instead of at the table...I might have thrown up.
5. Ahhhhhh, a 4 year old acknowledgement of the obvious is quite satisfying in a twisted kind of way.

I Love You Too!

When you read the title, make sure you are thinking of that song from Pete's Dragon. The one where Helen Reddy's character is singing to Peter after he has lived with her for a while. Yeah, that one.

So I was getting ready to herd everyone up and get them out the door for piano on Wednesday. I was doing my hair...side note: Doing my hair is really very relative...I try to do just enough that it looks I did whatever it is I do to that tumbleweed that sits on top of my head.

Caleb comes into my bathroom and the following conversation takes place.....

Caleb: Mom, your hair looks hot.

Mom: Gee, thanks.

Caleb: So, uh, how long are you going to be married to dad?

Mom: Forever sweetie.

Caleb: So, uh, do you think you will be done soon?

Mom: Nope, forever is a really a long, long time. Dad and I are always going to be married.

Caleb: Well then, when can I be married?

Mom: When you are a grown up you can be married too.

Caleb: (With a stomp of his foot and scowl on his face) I'M TRYING!

Lessons Learned
1. I apparently had a really good hair day (even if it was only for a few minutes) on Wednesday.
2. He loves me.
3. It's nice to know one of my children likes me right now (I'm kind of ornery).
4. I even passed off almost all of my songs at piano with NO practice...wrong, but awesome.
5. Hopefully I am giving Caleb high expectations for his wife...that is a nice thought.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

How Hard Can It Be?

Question:

How hard can it be to mess up rice krispy squares?

Answer:

Not very.

Lessons Learned
1. No more stress cooking...I've lost my edge.
2. I love rice krispy squares.
3. They taste good even when they are WRONG.
4. Sigh.
5. Stress sustenance makes me sigh.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Life is SO Unfair

Oh the injustice...there are no words.

This morning, Baylee was really struggling with pain. She had a friend come over to 'watch' a movie yesterday and completely overdid it. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

As I was getting her set for the morning...pain meds, water, breakfast, pillow...you know, the whole 9 yards, there was a blood curdling scream in the living room from Caleb. I go running into the living to find my poor boy crying. He had the broom and large tears running down his face.

Worried that something was broken (mainly him) I ran to him and asked, "What's wrong? What's wrong?" He looked up at me and said in a wavering, little voice, "I don't know how to limbo."

At which point, we both cried.

Life Lessons
1. It's a good thing that you don't 'officially' learn to limbo until you are five. We can start training early though.
2. Laughter IS the best medicine. You may not heal, but you sure do have a better outlook on life.
3. Now I know why the broom was balanced on the piano bench and couch.
4. Perhaps it's time for a luau.
5. Maybe I should watch an Elvis flick....that should take care of it.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Life Lessons....the Wendy Way

You never know where your day is going to go when it starts out with your crying, not admitting your crying and telling yourself and everyone else who might be awake or care that there is a huge speck of tree in your eye.

So this blog is going to be a bit different than most...it is pretty much going to be my most recent life lessons through the whole thing and I didn't see the need to be repetitive. I am going to tell you what brought me to this point and then I am going to shove my life lessons down your throat.

Before I start I do need to explain how my brain works. Or maybe doesn't work. My brain is sort of a weavy, wandering kind of place. I can't compare my brain to something that even moves in a relatively straight line...kind of like a train on tracks...at least it is harder to get off point when there are tracks. My brain and thought processes are more like a drunk donkey pulling a cart on a very long tow rope. It doesn't matter where the drunk donkey goes because thanks to the long tow rope, the wagon is going to go where ever the heck it wants...up, down, sideways, circles, yada yada yada.

This is the short, short version of the story. Three weeks ago Caleb broke his arm. The first two weeks of checkups it wasn't healing. Last Thursday, we went in for checkup number three (after he fell out of the car flat onto his cast) and it was miraculously healing. WHEW. I though maybe I could take a moment and breathe a sigh of relief...well...that was dumb wasn't it.

Last night at 11 Baylee was walking up the stairs, rolled her ankle and yes, you guessed it...broke it. AMAZING. I had just taken my Ambien so I was not a candidate for driving her to the hospital, so this time Felix got to have the fun all by himself. Fortunately, it was a slow night at the ER and they were home by 1 with the splint, the crutches and the pain meds. We had a relatively good night, only one massive nightmare/pain episode and I got up at six (which by the way equals massive non-alcoholic hangover when you take Ambien at 10:30 and don't go to bed until after 1...I think that may have had something to do with my being so dang weepy).

I called the doctor at 7 because Caleb has had jaw pain and I figured I needed to check at least one thing off of my list. And I was able to check one thing off of my list...when I asked the doctor what would happen when DCFS came a knockin' he promised he would testify in my behalf....what a great guy.

Turns out Caleb has strep, and because Baylee and Noahs health problems they ended up on antibiotics too. Okay...whatever, oh and RRRRRIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTT.

On the way home as my very little brain was moving through the combination of crazy that was raining down on my head here is where my head headed (hahahahahaha). Maybe we can look at this as a self-interview....kind of like Tiger Woods did at his tourny.

Life Lessons
1. What do ya do when Heavenly Father has more faith in you than you?
That is a fabulous question. Confusing, but fabulous. I could ask but I don't think I want to know the answer. But thank goodness I didn't have to ask, Heavenly Father has a way of answering my questions that I am too chicken to put out there and the answer is: that is up to you. What do you NEED (not want, NEED) to do? My answer is keep going. I am one of those people that is afraid to stop for fear of not liking what it's like when I stop. What if it is boring? You know what I mean? I already know that I can do what I do, so why mess with it. As per the line in Beauty and the Beast..."If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it." I'm good with that...works for me.

2. Why does this keep happening to me?
I almost feel like I am in a really bad soap opera with a lot of eye make up and big hair. WHY? I have never been a why me kind of gal, but definitely Why Now. Then I had one of those epiphany, light bulb over the head moments when I realized...does it really matter? Does it really matter why? Does it really why now? Not so much. those two question aren't going to change the fact that whatever is going on is going. What is, is. You can either roll with it or get run over by it. The why part is kind of trivial when you are wading in the middle of the muck.

3. When you laugh through your trials, does that make you crazy?
Crazy in a good way or crazy in a bad way? I suppose it depends, if I am running down the street with a butcher knife in my hand laughing like a hyena...that would be crazy in a bad way and that is not good. The other option: realizing that in every situation there is an element of good, an element of funny, probably an element of sad, mad or a hundred other emotions. But this is one of those things where the Law of Opposition really comes in handy. When you know the bad, the good is SO much sweeter.

4. Does the world stop turning for everyone else when it stops turning for you?
YES...I mean NO. I mean YES...No, not really. I wish, but I am pretty sure there would be a HUGE cosmic catastrophe. Probably floods, earthquakes, etc, etc, etc and I would really hate to be responsible for all of that just because I think the world should stop turning. Besides...weird and creepy...and I don't do weird and creepy...much.

5. Whose fault is it when you feel so alone, scared, overwhelmed and/or freaked out beyond belief?
That would be yours, I mean mine...you know what I mean...put it in context. When I look around and see how blessed and extremely fortunate I am to be surround by wonderful people who care. It is truly a modern day miracle when a total dork (like me) would be surrounded by so many angels. What a wonderful time and place to be in, knowing that regardless of the crazy, not a single one of us has to walk the path alone. Phew what a relief. I have realized that when you spread the weight of the world on a few extra shoulders, it isn't quite so heavy.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Stupid Woman Driver

Just so you don't hold your breath waiting to find out who that stupid woman driver is...ummmm, that would be me.

It has been an interesting few weeks...little to no sleep, just to keep things exciting. I finally went to the doctor to attempt to solve that little problem and I have slept 2 whole days in a row. And given the events of the night, sleep ain't what it's cracked up to be.

We decided to go out for ice cream...my stress level has been a little high and I needed a little sustenance...Cold Stone Creamery style. We had a wonderful time until Caleb and his new green cast decided to go a little haywire in the middle of Cold Stone. So since the kids were done (except for Baylee...no surprise there) and Felix and I weren't we decided to head home and keep the peace (and pieces of Cold Stone together). I drove because I had less ice cream to melt all over the car.

I turned left onto whatever street that is that goes by Spankys (and I love that there is a diner named Spankys for SO many reasons, but that is a conversation for another day and another time when my therapist ISN'T on vacation) and through the 4 way stop to the hospital. At the four way stop I stop, signal and wait for the other car to go. I go hit a MASSIVE bump, get a dirty look from Felix and then the stupid exclamation point light on the dashboard turns on.

I pull over and Felix gets out. He looks at the back tire and I new it was flat. As he was looking at the front tire, it went flat. FINE. Okay. FINE.

He calls roadside assistance...at this point I was grateful for the extended warranty. 45 minutes later I am walking home with the kids, Felix is still on the phone and I now hate roadside assistance. My wonderful friend and neighbor Lisa (you really need to start your own blog, this would be a great story from your point of view) came a picked us up. Once I got the kids home I went back and met Felix to wait for the tow truck.

When I got there is was back on the phone with roadside assistance because they couldn't figure out where in Pleasant Grove we were (they don't understand the grid system) and hadn't even called a tow truck. So I call Johns towing, get a tow truck on the way and call roadside assistance back. Arrange to get reimbursed for the costs and proceed to sit in my car and play games on my cell phone.

A while later (can I just say, most men are unfamiliar with the way time passes...for them it goes so much slower than in reality), it was supposed to be 20 minutes but ended up as 40, the tow truck arrived, got the car and hung a FAB-O u-ey to take the car to Big O Tires. At least he took the short road...but we had to drive on that evil road with the POORLY maintained corners...I'm just sayin'.

From beginning of tow to end of tow...12 minutes. Awesome. So now for my birthday, I get 4 new tires...you're jealous...that's okay, it will pass...eventually.

Lessons Learned
1. I don't think I need ice cream anymore.
2. I don't think I will drive holding ice cream ever again.
3. If this is how well I drive when I sleep, I don't think I need to sleep anymore.
4. One day my husband might talk to me again.
5. One day I might drive again....one day.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Popularity: It IS All It's Cracked Up to Be

I would like to thank Christy and Jen for their inspiration for this post. It is because of my pursuit of their popularity that I am where I am today.

As an homage to the reasons why people want to be popular, I have compiled my
POPULARITY PERKS OF 2009 list. This list may or may not prove to be so popular that it will have an annual release. So please, if you wish to see more of this in the future...leave comments. This list will be presented in the most popular color and font, we want to make sure the popular people are happy. Really, really happy.

POPULARITY PERKS OF 2009

10. When you are popular, PEOPLE LISTEN TO YOU. Which is a good thing. Because obviously, you have said enough right things that you got popular in the first place.

9. When you are popular, people try to dress like you. Get a personal tailor with an airtight contract so you are only wearing one of a kinds.

8. When you are popular, people want to be your friend. Thank goodness for Facebook so you can make people your 'virtual' friends without having to actually talk to them.

7. When you are popular, people surround you all of the time giving you positive, personal affirmation. Quite frankly they should....no use wasting on the undeserving.

6. When you are popular, people try to buy your affection. You aren't free, cheap or easy, so start saving up.

5. When you are popular, you are blessed with plausible deniability. You can rob a bank in plain view of the cops, but that's okay, you didn't do it, you're popular. It was really Bubba Jr.

4. When you are popular, people automatically go along with your plans. Everyone knows that popular people have good plans...it is how they got to be popular in the first place.

3. When you are popular and thirsty (all at the same time), and when you ask for a drink, people bring you the good bottled water.

2. When you are popular you don't have to overexert, regular people are fully aware of the fact you need ALL of your energy to maintain your popularity.

1. And the best part is when you are popular, you have the super special key to the good bathroom that has a gold toilet seat in ALL public places (including Wal-Mart, McDonalds, etc).

Lessons Learned

1. Christy, Jen...can I just look at the super special key...just once?
2. Popularity is WAY too hard to maintain. I mean who would want to ruin their shoes by stepping on so many little people.
3. TRUE popularity comes from within.
4. Popularity is as popularity does.
5. I mean, Obama is popular.............what does that tell you?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Poo Water

Okay, before you go any further, just know that I am ranting. You've been warned. If you continue to go forward, you do so at your own risk.

So like, my lawn has been looking worse and worse, and you know what...I didn't much feel like doing anything about it. But when I saw my grandma pouring bottled water on the dry spots, I felt a little bit of pressure.

I got my little tool thingy to adjust the sprinklers, turned 'em on and went to town. Here's the issue:

1. Very little training from the sprinkler dude when we got the new sprinklers.
2. So little training, in fact, that after a freakin' hour getting drenched by the stupid irrigation poo water I had to look up how to adjust them online. URGH.
3. Which brings me to my next point...why do children feel the need to touch sprinklers? Perhaps my grass would be OKAY if someone hadn't turned the heads to water the stupid street.
4. After another hour getting soaked in the poo water trying to adjust the sprinklers the WRONG WAY...oh and did I mention that I didn't sleep all night and I have a stiff neck...so I am already CRABBY and CRAZY? After adjusting the sprinklers the wrong way for an hour, bruising my hand and making it swell up like a very little balloon, I read the instructions again and did the right way in 5 minutes. Don't go there...not pretty.
5. So I finally come in to find Baylee having decided to make slushies and there is stupid flavored syrup all over my counter, my floor and the brand new slushie maker in pieces. WHATEVER.
6. After some hysteria about cleaning up, I tell Noah to watch Caleb so I can get the poo water off of me. Then I get to the next point....
7. Where's Caleb? Has anybody seen Caleb? After tearing through the house screaming at the top of my lungs, I realize I saw him go to the neighbors house while I was covered in POO WATER. Riiiiigggghhhhtttt.
8. So I call my husband to complain, we talk for a minute, my husbands cell drops the call and I am so frustrated that I can't even vent, I throw the phone down and plop on the floor in tears...oh and did I mention that I didn't sleep all night and have a stiff neck?
9. I get the poo water off, come downstairs and find that Baylee missed the whole screaming 'clean up after yourself' fit. So she got another one.

Lessons Learned
1. Done ranting.
2. Wait...
3. Nope.
4. Gotta find a kid....
5. Must yell.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Stadium of LIAR

My kids wanted to go to the Stadium of Fire as soon as they heard the Jonas Brothers were going to be there. And Felix and I being the devious, cruel hearted parents that we are decided to take them, but NOT tell them. I bought our tickets on the day they came out (we did manage to get some pretty good seats) and hid them until Saturday...YAY me.

When Savannah found out her BFF Sara was going, I was subject to begging, pleading, and all manner of sobbing when I told her, sorry, we just didn't have the money this year. Not that she didn't try OVER and OVER and OVER again. There was much humor (for me at least). Felix and I enjoyed immensely, the fact that our children couldn't understand why they didn't get what the wanted, the second they wanted it. We chalked it up to a life lesson.

Eventually, I let Saras' mom in on the surprise, and we made arrangements to bring their kids home so they wouldn't have to fight the traffic to pick them up. We managed to keep it from all of the kids...it was awesome.

So on Saturday night, we left at 6:30 to get to the stadium. We told the kids we were going to Provo to buy fireworks from a place that was supposed to be really cheap (I AM SUCH A LIAR). We warned them that we would probably get stuck in traffic...how prophetic that statement ended up being. Even though we left early, sadly for us, we took a wrong turn, got completely bogged down in traffic and didn't get anywhere near the stadium until 7:50...YIKES. So we ended up parking 2 blocks away (in our pediatricians parking lot, no less). We were hoping for the handicapped parking lot for Baylee, but we were so late, it was already blocked off and we were out of luck.

When we finally got out of the car, the kids wanted to know where the fireworks stand was, Felix and I were both in such a bad mood that we snapped at the kids that we were going to Stadium of Fire and they better move fast. We pretty much ran to the stadium and managed to get into our seats by 8:10.

Thankfully, I didn't miss my favorite part (the flyover)...and as soon as Caleb saw the jets and helicopters, he was ready for the action. The girls were so giddy, they couldn't stop grinning and giggling. Noah was so mad about not buying fireworks and going back to grandmas that he sat with his arms folded and pouting. Hey...your loss dude.

We truly enjoyed Glen Beck (okay, I did...I'm a huge fan...I share very similar beliefs regarding the direction of our country). I loved the historial aspect of the flag, and was so excited to see my kids paying attention and asking questions about our nations history...I LOVE MY LITTLE BRAINIACS.

She-Daisy was okay...not a country fan, so I didn't really care. Savannah and I kept texting Sara and James to arrange for a meeting point after the show so we could all get to the car in one piece. We really liked the fire-dancers...we admit it, we love the thrill and possibility of someone getting hurt performing (it kind of goes right along with going to hockey games to watch the blood bounce on the ice).

The Jonas Brothers put on a great show and the girls screamed until their throats were raw. Caleb decided somewhere in the middle that he needed a light stick...couldn't find one, so I bought him a light 'em up mug...didn't work. So he screamed for an hour. YAY for me. Felix went and looked for a light stick...no luck. Noah continued to pout and the girls continued to swoon. I loved watching the people (okay, the old people like me...give all of the screechy girls weird looks like, "Okay, you can stop now.")

My favorite part (my new favorite) was when the giant flag was retired. It was such an honor, watching the symbol of our country be respectfully laid to rest and honorably retired after so many years of service. It was very touching for me, because I had been at the Stadium of Fire that the flag was first used.

I am so grateful for this nation and all that it stands for. We are struggling right now, but if we can pull together and work hard, we will be better for the fight. This nation is worth standing up for, not only abroad but within. After this holiday season, I am definitely ready and willing to stand up for America. I realize how good I have it here, and want to continue that way. One of the neatest things I saw at the Stadium was on a T-shirt. It read, "Resistance to tyranny is obedience to God." LOVE IT.

I loved the surprise, but I did have some major explaining to do about lying. Lying is wrong, unless you are the mom and have an extremely good reason. Fortunately, my kids were happy enough to forgive me. While I don't usually with this philosophy, this time it was definitely "better to ask forgiveness than get permission".

As we were on our way out to the car (with our 7 charges), Felix spied a light stick dude across the way and drug us all to him to buy the stick for Caleb. Caleb responded with, "Okay, now I'm happy." And as we made our way across the street, Noah started leading the group and made the comment to Felix, "I like being in front, it makes me feel good about myself."

My kids manage to find happiness in the oddest places...but no one ever said normal equals happy...I think my family is proof positive of that.

Lessons Learned

1. FAMILY TIME ROCKS.
2. AMERICA ROCKS.
3. LYING DOES NOT ROCK (but this time it worked).
4. ACCORDING TO BAYLEE AND SAVANNAH, THE JONAS BROTHERS ROCK.
5. I am really grateful that I walk on the treadmill everyday, I wasn't even sore the next day.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Eight Can Be Great

Okay, Baylees baptism was on Saturday...the other fun has been covered, so now I can focus on her for a moment.

She was so excited...she wanted to leave at 9:30, even though her baptism wasn't until 11. We had to fight with Caleb all morning because he didn't understand why he couldn't go swimming with dad at the church. My nieces and nephews were a crackup, as always. The kids were all so excited to play with each other that the church was the last place they wanted to be. Felix had to perform the ordinance twice (he forgot her name the first time), which of course Baylee had to give him a hard time because she was cold. But is was beautiful and you could really feel the spirit and peace that were in the room.

I didn't realize how much Audrey Hepburn Baylee had in her until we got her dried off and changed.


I think if she's had a set of white satin gloves, the look would have been complete. She is beautiful, and wonderful and kind (when she wants to be...she's a work in progress like the rest of us). We are all very proud of her.

Mommy Thoughts (this qualifies, just like the birthday post)

1. 8 can be great, especially when you make great choices that have great outcomes.

2. Looking at this picture, I really hope she hung her dress up.

3. When she isn't fighting with someone, she has a somewhat angelic look about her, don't ya think?

4. I feel bad her day was cut short on account of broken people.

5. She's a good kid, a really, really, really good kid.

A Pop, Pop, Poppin'

Baylees baptism was on Saturday morning. It was beautiful, she was beautiful and I will do another post on that later. I have to get this one down before all of the good stuff leaves my little brain.

After the baptism, we had lunch with the fam. We had a rousing good time (as usual) and everyone took off around 1 or 2, I really have no idea because I wasn't paying attention. I took a little siesta and then we headed out to an early dinner to round out the day. After dinner I was feeling kind of yucky (stupid ovaries) and went to lay down. At which point, the screaming began. I tried to ignore it. In fact I tried really, really hard to ignore it. But when Savannah came upstairs yelling, "Mom, Mom, Mom. Calebs arm, arm, arm." I ran downstairs.

Felix was in the driveway holding a screaming Caleb, even from inside the house, I could tell there was something very, very wrong with his arm. Most kids arms aren't shaped like a U. Hmmmmmm, I grabbed him, hopped in the back seat of the car and sent Savannah to get my shoes and purse. Once we had all necessary items (especially the daddy) we headed to the InstaCare. Caleb was still screaming and after 15 minutes Felix finally went and asked if we could talk to a nurse because we weren't even sure if the InstaCare could treat him.

We were sent back to the triage room, the nurse came in took one look and got the doctor. The doctor took one look and said he thought that Caleb fractured both bones in his forearm and we either needed to drive up to Primary Childrens ER or UVRMC ER. We chose UVRMC because we didn't have any gas in the car and we didn't want to stop just then. We drove down to Provo and signed in at the completely insane ER.

About 30 minutes later we were in triage and they said we aren't going to give him anything for pain because he is going to be knocked out when they set it. GGGGRRRREEEEEAAAAATTTT.

About an hour later we had the x-rays done. The wrong x-rays were ordered, but when the x-ray tech saw the first x-ray (which showed his radius in two pieces and crossed) she did the right x-rays...just to save time.

Time apparently wasn't our issue. We went back to the ER waiting room and about another hour later we finally got called back to an ER exam room. FINALLY. This all started at about 6:15 and it was now 9:15. And with no pain meds...it was very, very interesting. The nurse came in and started talking to Caleb and of course, the first thing that Caleb wanted to tell him was that he had three cats names Odin, Aris and Sephie. The nurse said, oh yeah, I have chickens. Caleb perked right up and said, Chicken...ooooohhhhhh, that makes me hungry.

And the giggles began. Everytime someone would ask Caleb how is was doing, he would tell them, "I'm fine. My bones hurt, but I'm fine." After seeing the doctor, getting in touch with the Orthopedic doctor to get in line for having his arm set, we spent most of our time (after the IV) shooting each other with syringes full of water. Hey, just because you are at the hospital doesn't mean you have to be bored to tears. Besides, if they didn't want us to squirt each other, they shouldn't have given us the syringes in the first place...and maybe, just maybe we could bug them enough that they would bump us up on the list and we could get out of there faster (NOT).

We finally got in to the Orthopedic room at about 10:30. Caleb told the doctors all about how he broke his arm, and there was blood in his bones (called marrow) and how he was sending mom and dad home and he was staying with his new friends. I think they would have kept him.

Then the sedation began. I love Ketamine. It really is a fun drug to watch. They prepped Calebs arm, hung a massive weight from it and worked on it until you heard a heart stopping pop. They removed the weight and took a million real time x-rays as the finished massaging the bones back into place. It was wicked cool to watch. Felix didn't even pass out, which was even cooler. After Caleb was casted we headed back to our exam room to wait for him to come out of his stupor.

It didn't take long for him to start coming out of it and you know, he was one of the funniest drunks I have ever seen. When he was able to talk Felix asked him if he was feeling better now that his arm was fixed. And with the most awesome slurred speech a four year old could muster he said, "I don't sink so." Very sing songy, very cute.

A few minutes later Felix asked him if he was Mommy's boy or Daddy's boy (a constant war in our home). He didn't respond, so Felix and I kept talking to each other. A good 3 to 5 minutes later Caleb said, "Mommmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeezboy". Right on dude.

Once he was awake we started the discharge procedure. We get to follow up with the orthopedist on Thursday to see if there was a secondary fracture in his wrist (we couldn't see it on Saturday night because of the manipulation for his Radius), and make sure that the bone is starting to mend.

It was a long, long day and night. Full of wonderful things, not so wonderful things and as a mommy, wonderment at how tough her kidlets are (especially since there was no pain meds until 12:30 when we got home). WHOA.

Lessons Learned
1. Hospital staff on a busy Saturday night really need some comic relief (that is what the Morgan's are for).
2. Calebs tolerance for pain, PHENOMENAL.
3. Having a U shaped arm is kind of gross lookin'.
4. Watching a 4 year old move his U shaped arm is really gross lookin'.
5. There is no reason to stop enjoying life just because you happen to be hanging out at a hospital.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Why Doth You Persist?

After listening to my children whine about cleaning up after themselves this morning, I finally lost my mind and went Shakespeare all over their behinds. The following is my attempt at mimicking (okay, mocking) them.

The same. It is always the same. Each and every Saturday this foul woman doth persist in the vile notion of 'cleaning up my own mess'. From whence in the depths of hell has she come? Why, oh why can she not see that which is plainly before her? Doth she not understand that we are above the menial tasks that are left for hand-maidens and wenches? Doth she not see that our station exempts, nay FORBIDS us to work? And yet continually, she spews forth the horrid words that haunt the very depths of our souls. How do we escape the incessant insistance to do this 'picking up'? Oh ye spawn of the devil, we pray you cease the call of these chores. Cease in the persistance of responsibility. CEASE I doth say unto you, CEASE. And now while we contemplate the unfortunate position in which we find ourselves, we have nary a choice but to continue to ask, over and over and over, "Why foul woman? Why? Why doth you persist?"

Lessons Learned
1. While I am not any where close to Shakespeare, it was fun pretending I was wearing a velvet costume with a high neck collar, spouting anti-chore prose on a stage.
2. I think I should make my kids talk like this all of the time.
3. I think I should talk to my kids like this all of the time.
4. Doesn't it make you feel so fancypants?
5. I just want clean bedrooms...is that too much to ask for?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

She Actually Made It To 8


Today is Baylee's eighth birthday. Every parent says they are surprised that a child makes it to a certain birthday, but we really meant it. I mean come on, she was blessed in the hospital at 7 weeks old. Was diagnosed with arthritis at 2. Uveitis and Iritis at 3. And in the past year, Sever's Disease, Fibromyalgia and Autonomic Dysfunction.
Since her baptism is coming up in a couple of weeks, I really need to say, I am so grateful that she made it. We all are. The house would be too quiet without her. And while some days are a struggle, I wouldn't change them for anything because we are lucky enough to have her in our lives.
Mommy Thoughts (It's a birthday post, gimme a break)
1. The children don't always learn from the parent, sometimes we are fortunate to have it the other way around.
2. She is one of the best examples of not giving up I have ever seen.
3. The trials are worth it when you have each other.
4. There really were days I thought I might be the reason she didn't make it to this birthday.
5. Maybe now she is ready to work on 'Getting along with my brothers and sister.' Maybe.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

A Concert for the Ages

Last night Felix and I went to the Fleetwood Mac concert. This was incredibly difficult for me, given my reaction to being in closed quarter with a whole bunch of people I don't know. Fortunately for me, most of the people who sat around us came late. And because we were sitting in floor seats, we had a little bit more space than in the Marriot Center.

I have to say going to a concert for a bad that has been around for so long is really interesting. I don't know how many bands can draw so many people from so many different generations.

The concert was awesome. I don't like loud music and crowded places, but I really enjoyed the music. Thank goodness my dear, sweet husband stopped and got me ear plugs for my sensitive little ears. Stevie Nicks will never be anything other than amazing. And it is absolutely fascinating to watch Lindsey Buckingham play the guitar.

So being trapped in my 14th row center floor seats, I decided my best option for survival was to people watch. Not the kind that goes up to the neighbors houses and looks through the windows to see what is going on, but the kind that when she is in a public place likes to see how other people act and react to what is going on around them. So in order for me to make it through the very crowded concert, I watched people.

10 Most Entertaining Concert People
1. The 2 older couples behind us comparing health ailments.
2. The couple directly in front of us that needed some privacy.
3. The peace sign drunk lady (it only got better when she started falling over the chairs), who was trying to convince the entire arena that we all needed to revert back to the sixties.
4. All of the people with hip replacements.
5. The poor, skinny white kid that shouldn't be allowed to dance in public.
6. The lady that kept trying to sneak up to the stage.
7. The husband of the lady that kept trying to sneak up to the stage, since he was trying to keep her from the stage.
8. The guy that was so drunk he forgot who he came with and started hugging all the women around him (maybe he was hoping for recognition the closer he got to the girls).
9. The guy dancing with the walker.
10. The guy whose earplugs kept popping out.

10 Most Annoying Things
1. The guy next to me that took his shoes off (yuck).
2. The smell of beer.
3. The guy next to me that felt it was his duty to expose my nose to his armpit.
4. The smell of beer.
5. The people that were seat hopping to empty chairs, and getting kicked out by people who had tickets for those seats.
6. The smell of beer.
7. The peace sign lady that forgot how to make peace signs and spent 2 whole songs trying to figure out which two fingers to use.
8. The smell of beer.
9. The couple in front of me that needed some privacy.
10. Oh, the smell of beer.

So, all in all it was quite the interesting evening. There is always something going on in the world around us.

Lessons Learned
1. I need to find a way to be rich so that I can own a box and go to events and not be by strangers.
2. I am so wacko...why can't I be normal?
3. My poor husband has to deal with my insecurities on SO many levels.
4. Maybe it's time for therapy.
5. Next time I might try valium.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Piezoelectric Transducer

Yeah, me neither.

Lessons Learned
1. I'm not as smart as my neighbor.
2. I think it should be called a flux capacitor.
3. Still lost.
4. Lost is the new normal.
5. Who comes up with the names for this kind of stuff.

I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the Map...No You're the Map.

Okay, so this morning, Caleb and I were riveted by an episode of Dora the Explorer. The show had been on for a couple of minutes when we got to the ever important Map Song (I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'M THE MAP). Then the question. It happens every time, but it never ceases to cause those little butterflies of excitement.

"Do you know how to get to.....?"

And Caleb, because he knows the people inside the TV can hear him says, "Ummmm, you're the map."

Lessons Learned
1. Sometimes things are even obvious for a 4 year old.

2. Why put forth effort where none is required...he knew that Map would tell him how to get there.

3. I never knew Dora the Explorer was so hysterically funny.

4. Laughing feels good.

5. I will never look at a map the same way again.

Schools Out for Summer....Let the Games Begin

Now that school is out for the summer, we can get the Morgan Version of the summer Olympics under way.

This summers incredible events include:

Long Distance Whining: the contestant works to achieve the longest time for whining over a single situation. Situations can include, but are not limited to whining over meals, playing with friends before chores, not wanting to do chores, being bored and looking for an entertainer, etc. Whatever the contestant is able to whine about for the longest amount of time.

Endurance Procrastination: the contestant is in a battle with him or herself to see how long they can put doing anything off until they absolutely have to in order to play. The winner will be able to do nothing, then accomplish all required tasks in record time to meet friends.

Ultimate Couch Potato-ing: the contestant that leaves the most resilient body imprint in the couch will walk away with the gold. Body imprint cannot be vacuumed out in a single try, or the contestant is automatically disqualified.

Boredom for the Alternative Thinker: the contestant that comes up with the most inventive idea for when the mom says, "You're bored? Oh, I'll give you something to do." If they are able to keep the mom from giving them a chore and entertain the most amount of people, the contestant will walk away with the prize.

Heavyweight Bickering: the prize will go to the contestant that is able to pick a fight over the most mundance of issues and keep the argument going longer than anyone else. The trick in this battle is to keep the fight going, yet end it as soon as the mommy walks into the room.

The Contendahs...........LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE................

Savannah: Age 11, going on 12, already mastering the art of hormone Aytch Eeeee Double Hockey Sticks. Able to blame others with less than a moments notice and point out others failings, while pointing out her strengths.

Noah: Age 9. Able to annoy in a single breath, actually he can do it without saying anything. Can put his sisters in a frenzy by walking into a room and sitting down. This is one to watch for Couch Potato-ing as well as Heavyweight Bickering.

Baylee: Age 7, going on 8 (I am required to tell you this because she will get mad if I don't). Not willing to back down from anything and in her relentless quest of household supremacy, won't let anything or anyone stand in her way.

Caleb: Age 4. Doesn't have to work to be the king, he believes he already is. Willing to tell anyone (regardless of size) to "bring it on" and not back down. Rather than have a verbal argument, will bite to make a point.

Stay tuned for results at the end of summer for champions.

Lessons Learned

1. Kids, I hope you have a sense of humor...because this is really in good fun.
2. If not, please don't read this.
3. What summer is like from the mommy's perspective.
4. There will be good parts too...I just know there will. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can run and hide if I am wrong on this one.
5. Let the adventure begin.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Yuckety Yuck Yuck Yuck

Okay, short, simple and to the point. I love movies. I hate shopping...that includes movie shopping. I tend to know what I want and prefer to not peruse. My husband, however, is a fabulous peruser. He does it with grace, style and as if he has all the time in the world. Which when you down a giant bottle of water before you get into the car to run errands...not a good mix. Kind of like laxatives and sedatives...no personal experience by the way.

So I ask the manager of the so far nameless movie rental establishment to unlock the bathroom for me (how sad that the bathrooms have to be locked) and I go in...desperate, very, very desperate.

Other than there being no toilet paper and a nasty ring around the toilet, it wasn't so bad. The floor is clean, because that is the most important part of the bathroom...the floor. I 'use' the facilities and go to the sink to wash my hands and find I cannot. Why, may you ask...because there was poop in the sink. Yes, you read me correctly...poop in the sink. Apparently the ring around the bowl was too much for someone so they made alternate arrangements. However, they didn't realize that it was one of the drainy things with a bunch of holes in it...no place for the poop to go. NASTY.

So I used Purell instead. Yes, I am that kind of prepared girl.

Lessons Learned
1. Don't use the restrooms at unnamed movie rental establishments (Hollywood Video in American Fork).
2. Don't drink a lot of water before running errands.
3. If the bathroom has to be unlocked before you go in...wait.
4. I am officially off of the perusing list. Permanently.
5. Between the warm spots in the Ool and the poop in the sink at the movie rental place, I beginning to think that my life is in the toilet...I've had enough hints.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Random Thought of the Day

If there is no 'P' in Pool, why isn't it called an Ool?

Thoughts Provoked
1. Just went swimmin'.
2. Found some warm spots.
3. Saw some toddlers without swim diapers.
4. Got out of the pool when I saw toddlers without swim diapers.
5. Got hit by a used band-aid getting out of the Ool...YUCK.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Random Thought of the Day

I apparently have a bunch going on in my head today...I never thought that it was possible, who knew?

So here goes the random thought (it's been a while, I hope I get it right):

If you have so many random thoughts floating around in your head, do they eventually merge into one big, ginormous random thought that becomes meaningless because it doesn't make sense?

Thoughts Provoked
1. Oy vey...it's worse than I thought.
2. Do you think if it gets too big, it explodes?
3. Do you think it would hurt if it exploded?
4. If your head is empty when it explodes, does it matter since there isn't anything there to get hurt?
5. I think my thoughts provoked might qualify as random thoughts all by themselves...yikes.

Life Lessons

I received this in an email and thought it was WAY to good to try and forward to everyone, so I thought I would use this much more public forum and try to remind everyone about how good things really are.

******************************************************************
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.
************************************************************

So thanks to my friends, family and every one for making this world a happier, more comfortable place for me in the midst of the never ending chaos.

Lessons Learned
1. Sometimes the most obvious lessons sound so much better coming from someone else.
2. Wisdom, not knowledge, is what we gain from trials.
3. Life is what you make of it, good, bad or ugly (you know, kind of like shoes).
4. It's never too late to take charge of your own life.
5. Life is beyond good, it's great.
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