Monday, December 31, 2007

Cat Bathing 101

I know that this is no flaming toilet, but for posterity I had to take pictures and post. Meet Persephone (Goddess of the Underworld), Seph for short. She is the youngest of our three cats, we love her, she loves us, but some days, she falls a few cards short of a full deck, IF ya know what I mean.

Well a couple of weeks ago (you can tell I am trying to catch up from all of the Christmas chaos), the poor kitty had been out playing, when we opened the door, the pathetic little creature was sitting on the porch half, yes half, covered in mud. Here are the theories:

1. She was sitting in the mud (because we don't have a front yard yet), and fell asleep and fell over.

2. She was sitting in the mud (because she heard it was good for her skin), got bored and fell over.

3. She was sitting in the mud (because she had just inhaled a ton of catnip and was high) and just plain fell over.

4. There is no excuse, she fell over.

Anyhoo, it went a bit like this:

We take the dirty little kitty to the bathroom, because after watching her try so hard to get the mud off of herself, we decide she needs a bit of help. Savannah sat in the background telling me what a bad idea she thinks it is to give the cat a bath. My response, DUH, okay, DUH.

I don't know a single person who thinks it is a good idea to give a cat a bath, that is like a death wish, know what I mean.

We put the baby kitty in the water, she did GREAT, for about 10 seconds, then she realized she was wet and started yowling like you have never heard before. It was funny. Because if you look closely at my face (OKAY, not that close...back up people), you can see that I am just waiting for the full on assault and gratitude that Savannah is in the room so she can call 911 after I am slashed to near death.

In order to save my own life, we shorted the process, skip the shampoo call a rinse good and let go and run for our lives. Believe it or not we escape with no injuries.
Don't ask the cat, but she survived. A little worse for the wear, but a little less mud. and that was good for all.
She was torqued for a while, but at the end of the day, she forgave us.
So in case you ever need the help, here are my tips for some good ol' fashioned CAT WASHING!!
1. If you fill up the tub as much as you can, you don't have to work so hard at rinsing.
2. Unless you are really afraid, don't let your kids in to help, all they do is make fun of you.
3. Soap is optional unless they are STANKY...and I mean STANKY.
4. Believe it or not, cats are very forgiving, after you suck up with cat nip and kitty treats.
5. Finish your yard as quickly as possible, that way when the special needs kitty falls over, they fall on grass, not dirt.

The Carnage of Christmas 2007's over, it's over, it's over!!!!! Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas! I love that everybody is in a giving mood, and people are over all more friendly, smiley and sparkley. But let's be honest boys and girls, there is a reason that Christmas comes down at 8am on December 26th. As with any aspect of life, the law of opposition is in effect. To counteract all of the twinkly, sparkly people, there are those who cut you off, take stuff they want out of your cart and generally will try and kill you to get the last "it" toy of the year. And that is how Christmas is just for the general population. THEN, there are the kids.......

Just like any other Christmas morning, it all starts to peacefully. There they are the gift, wrapped (and sparkly) under the tree, lights twinkling with the wonder of the day...and then THEY show up. So cute, excited and MANIC! The wrapping paper flies in every direction, no care given for the defenseless babies and parents. And if you look very carefully, behind safety goggles of course, you can see the bits of chocolate flying out of their mouths as they squeal in delight. Fortunately, the chaos lasts but a moment. Seriously, it only takes a minutes and it's over. Whew!!!!!! Then everyone, after the initial excitement of opening the packages, takes a closer look, so they can decide whether to thank or berate the parents. It is always a relief when the thanks appears, instead of facing the fears of having to stand in the return line for an eternity.

And with some of the children (who have absolutely no personality whatsoever), you have posing! And others sheer excitement at the gift they never expected to receive! And yet others, offer comic relief at the misunderstanding at what the gift is exactly supposed to do.
Even with the chaos, they are still kind of cute.
So at the close of this blog, what are the lessons learned?
1. It doesn't matter whether you have a small Christmas or a big Christmas, the carboard box is still the favorite toy (for kids of all ages).
2. If you close your eyes, it is all over way too quick. My advice, just hold on tight and enjoy the ride.
3. Chocolate for breakfast (unless you are the mom) is a BAD, BAD, BAD idea.
4. Choosing non-breakable ornaments was a great idea. Too bad the 2 year old took them all off and hid them.
5. Christmas is and will forever be about LOVE.
So from our family to your, regardless of the chaos or peace surrounding your household and the holiday season, MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY NEW YEAR and much love.
The Morgan Family
Felix, Wendy, Savannah, Noah, Baylee and Caleb

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Let Your Southern Shine!!!

Every day brings a new adventure, however, some adventures are better than others.

It was a day like any other. Kids off to school, the regular messes (that never seem to end), and an endless supply of Spongebob. But somewhere in the middle, the day went horribly awry. It began so innocently...a little something like this. A boy and his ball. You wouldn't think anything of it. A normal two year old activity....until....the toilet would no longer flush. The flood was mild, the water was shut off before the water completely covered the floor. No big...but what could possibly be causing the backup. I know it was him. Caleb may be cute, but a disaster in the making. Especially with the soft strains of Spongebob playing sadistically in the background. Oh well, naptime for him...plunging time for me.

An hour later, it still wouldn't budge. Time to call in the big guns. "Honey, there was a flood, call someone to fix it." A couple of hours later, the Pipe Snake appears at our door with a friendly "Good Luck!" Hey, we can do that! So we plunge, we pipe snake, we plunge, we pipe snake...and no progress. And then...disaster, the two year old gets trapped in the excercise equipment and breaks his toe. I am done on toilet duty....Felix is left to go it alone. He too makes no progress. Hmmmmmm....a very perplexing situation at this point. Tomorrow, the toilet comes apart.

Tomorrow comes, along with a new set of adventures, like changing Baylee's (Sweaty Foot Girl) from a regular cast to a boot because of blisters caused by sweating. Once she is off to school with the boot, I softly hear the toilet beckoning...."Unclog me....Unclog me....Must flush!" I roll up my sleeves and begin. Again, I luck. And now, the toilet comes apart. This has to work. IT HAS TO WORK. Flip the toilet upside down and snake from the bottom. No luck. Call Grandma to complain...she has a wonder tool. Pick up the kids and pick up the tool. What a nifty little springy grabber thing.

I decide that I don't want to do this alone anymore, I bribe Savannah with the new Jonas Brothers CD if she will stick her hand in the toilet and get that bugger out! Hand in, it doesn't budge. We decide that it is time to fashion tools, just as our ancestors of old. If there isn't a tool that works, make one!

The myriad of washers, nuts, pushy pipe things and barbecue skewers that bend to make a fascinating reacher thingamabobber. And when you put two the them together, imagine the leverage!!! This is science at its best!!!!

So away goes Savannah, with the tools fashioned of fine metals...but no luck...and then the neighbors catch wind of the adventure. Lisa, takes a stab at it (literally, with a pocket knife), Sara gets over her fear of poo water and tries. And along comes Baylee, she too fails in the quest for proper flushing. Two hours, the group toiled and toiled over the plight of the toilet, and to no avail.

Time for a change of tactics. Okay, load her up. We load the toilet into the car, and head to the car wash, because a pressure washer has to be the answer. After the toilet is loaded and secured in the back of the car, we waited for the cover of darkness before heading to what had to be the answer to our dilemma. Darkness comes and we begin the mission. Once arriving at the car wash bay, we pull in just enough to hide what we are doing. I wait to make sure no one is looking and move the toilet into the bay as quickly as possible before anyone notices there is a toilet at the car wash. Get my quarters ready, load 'em up and FIRE!!!!!!

After getting completely drenched by the backspray, I notice, the water is draining!!!!! SUCCESS!!!! Savannah come out and check and see how far this has moved!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT AT ALL? Impossible. After exhausting our quarter supply, we return dejected to our home. After a phone call to Felix, it is determined that the time has come to burn that sucker out! You think I'm kidding? I don't kid, not about fire and toilets!

As you can see, we got a fairly good fire going. The kids were really hoping for marshmallows and s'mores, but something about the toilet kind of ruined that for me. You would be surprised how hard it is to get a fire going in a toilet. Lighting the paper on fire didn't seem to last very long. I'm sure it had something to do with just being pressure washed. Fire and water don't mix well. That is okay, we had a can of aerosol hairspray...makes for a good show, but still doesn't stay lit. No problem....we have gasoline...and we have fire.

We gather together and sing with one accord "Let's gather round the campfire, and sing a campfire song". You didn't think that Spongebob wouldn't join the fray at some point, did you? While enjoying the warmth from the bowl, our neighbors came by, drove by and commented on our fine yard decoration and creative fire pit. Funny, our invitations for s'mores were repeatedly turned down (I wouldn't have really roasted marshmallows over a toilet).

Well, as fun as it was, it was time to put the fire out. We hose it down, flip it over and after noticing the crack going all the way down the side, smash it into pieces.

As you can see, the ball made it unscathed. Not a burn mark on it. Go figure.

Lessons Learned:

1. If you want a good fire, use gasoline.

2. Porcelain burns at high temperatures.

3. Little plastic balls are indestructible.

4. Little Hands with little balls in them are very expensive.

5. A burning toilet brings families together.