Sunday, May 30, 2010

Holy Cow

On our way to the Kansas, Foreigner and Styx concert Saturday night, we drove by fields full of cows.  Most would complain of the our car the conversation had a few of these components.

1) Do you know that cows are producing so much  methane there is a hole in the ozone layer?  So do we kill all of the cows and not eat beef?
2) Felix:  Holy Cow Noah: Cows aren't holy.  Wendy: They are if you shoot them.  Baylee:  Is that where Holy Crap comes from?

You know, I was really going to post more, but as I was typing I realized we spend at least 30 minutes on the Holy Cow/Holy Crap relationship.

Lessons Learned
1. Driving in a car with my family for more than 15 minutes can cause concerning conversation.
2. They didn't start fighting until after 30 minutes...I think it's a record.
3. Thank goodness for the broke up the fight.
4. The miller sportspart is GI-NOR-MOUS.
5. I still think Holy Crap comes from Holy Cows.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Dumb Waiter (and NOT the Elevator Kind)

So I made a post on Facebook saying (more or less) the exact title of this post.  I told the story to someone last night and she agreed it needed to go on the blog.

We haven't eaten out much lately, largely due to the food allergy issue floating through our house.  And because I think my kids need to understand eating out is a privilege....NOT a right.  But that is a story for another time and place.

So we go out to eat at a popular eating establishment (across the street from Los Hermanos in Lindon) that serves pizza and pasta, but shall remain nameless.  We sit down and wait a while for our server.  By the time he shows up we aren't just ready to order drinks, we wants us some fooooood.  Three of us did salad bars, so we went and ate right away.  And then we waited some more.  He came back after a while...a long, long while with waters all around.  And the explanation that there was a broken water main and there was no soda.  OK fine.  Where's the food?

After another long wait, the food comes and the server offers to discount our meal for not having soda...whatever.  I always drink water it really wasn't a big deal to me.  The food finally showed up and the server said half the drinks are working, so he brought a few out....not what we had ordered, but ok.

As per the norm, Caleb starts going nuts, wants to leave...Baylee joins the bandwagon...and Savannah and Noah try to light the bandwagon on fire.  The bill comes and I handed the server my debit card without looking at the bill...not the best idea, but have you met my kids?

The bill comes back and I realized we were charged for an extra meal.  Okay, then there was a discount, but the discount didn't really matter anymore because it was eaten up by the extra meal that NOBODY ordered.  So since the kidlets were restless, I sent everyone to the car, and I waited to let the waiter know.

Now, while our waiter took his time between visits during the meal, I could see him flittin' around here and there.  Always movin' around.  Funny, I get my bill and apparently he was either abducted by aliens or a giant sinkhole opened up where the water main was and sucked our poor little waiter away.

I waited....for fifteen minutes.  Finally, realizing the children were trapped in the car with Felix and great grandma and I knew I had to abandon my post.  So I left less than a normal tip....k, this had nothing to do with the had to do with the suspicious disappearing act when I received my inflated discounted bill.  I still left a tip, but not what I normally would have.  Then, because I am who I am, I left a note on the bill that I had been overcharged.  Feeling somewhat vindicated...I left.

As I was leaving the hostesses (yes, there were 2) I was asked (twice) how my meal was...I replied it was fine except for the part where I was overcharged.  Let me remind you...there were TWO of them (2).  And in unison...that perhaps had been rehearsed...they replied, "Okay have a good night, come again."

As I shook my head and walked out the double doors, out of the corner of my eye, my waiter handed my bill to the hostesses, saw me and took off around the corner.  Do you think he knew something was afoot?

Lessons Learned
1.  Check the bill BEFORE you pay....even when your kids are flipping out.
2.  If you have money to throw away....just walk out and keep your mouth shut.
3.  If you DON'T have money to throw away, say something and don't shut up until the situation is rectified.
4.  I really like pizza and pasta, I wonder if I will ever go there again or if I will have to frequent another establishment.
5.  Hmmmm....dumb waiter....he totally knew the bill was wrong and he was playing hide and seek hoping to get away with it.  That's okay...I just talked to the manager of the eating establishment....there are at least 2 hostesses who got busted down and I'll bet it took very little torture before they gave up the waiter to THE MAN.  Victory is mine.

Monday, May 24, 2010


I love my kids...but they (on occassion) talk too much.  Caleb in particular.  I think since he has 3 very vocal siblings...he has to get what he can while they aren't around.  This is just from one day.  ONE DAY.

"Why are we here?"
"Why do we have ears?"
"Why do we swallow?"
"Can I stop swallowing?"
"What if somebody killed Jesus and he stayed dead?"
"What if somebody killed me and I stayed dead?"
"When you die, can I have the house?"
"Why do you say in a minute?"
"What if I want it now?"
"Did you see that?  Me neither."
"Why can't I have that?"
"Why did you tell me no again?"
"Why do we sleep?"
"Why does it get dark?"
"Why can't I be the boss of me?"
"How'd you see me do that?"
"Why is it a bad choice?"

And so on and so forth...that is but a mere portion of the fun that he and I have on a daily, hourly, minutely (is that a word) basis.  Just thought I'd share.

Lessons Learned
1. Great minds think alike.
2. Even if I'm not asking the questions, at least I know someone is.
3. There is never a dull moment around here.
4. It's a wonder my ears don't bleed from the lack of silence.
5. It is WAY better than quiet...WAY better.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

That's so Corny

So Noah has recently been diagnosed with a myriad of food allergies.  It can't be eggplant can it?  Oh has to be big and dramatic and frustrating.

Here's the list:

Bell Peppers

Really?  Oh yeah, baby, really.  So being the mom that I am, I have tried to do this right along with him.  We have purchased Feast without Yeast and The Corn Free Diet and Survival Guide because I decided those would be the two that were the hardest.  And I was right.

Did you know that there is corn starch in EVERYTHING.  For example:  Pre-shredded cheese...we wouldn't want to clump now, would we?  How 'bout a dryer sheet, yes a dryer sheet.  Then there is the lotions, toilet paper, most paper products.  And of course how could we forget our friend, High Fructose corn syrup...everything.  I'm thinking we may have to get NG tubes for feeding, but the mix probably has corn in it.

After the first week of shock that I am going to have to actually learn how to cook, I am trying to see this as a blessing in disguise.  Keyword: trying.

We don't need to put all of this garbage into our systems.  The yeast part...well, I'm still pretty frustrated about the yeast part...that is another rant for a different day.  The focus right now is trying to rid the house of as much corn and corn by products as possible.  The big stuff: boom, problem.  But now I get to call the manufacturers of basics like toilet paper, shampoo, toothpaste, etc...why?  The majority of products out there have corn in them.  sigh. 

I used to really like corn.  Now, I think it's Satans vegetable.

Lessons Learned
1. Cookbooks come in handy.
2. So does Amazon.
3. Noah is infinitely more patient than I am when it comes to food.
4. As a wise friend said, "It's okay to grieve the loss of food."
5. Why do RICE chex have CORN in them?