Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Let Your Southern Shine!!!

Every day brings a new adventure, however, some adventures are better than others.

It was a day like any other. Kids off to school, the regular messes (that never seem to end), and an endless supply of Spongebob. But somewhere in the middle, the day went horribly awry. It began so innocently...a little something like this. A boy and his ball. You wouldn't think anything of it. A normal two year old activity....until....the toilet would no longer flush. The flood was mild, the water was shut off before the water completely covered the floor. No big...but what could possibly be causing the backup. I know it was him. Caleb may be cute, but a disaster in the making. Especially with the soft strains of Spongebob playing sadistically in the background. Oh well, naptime for him...plunging time for me.

An hour later, it still wouldn't budge. Time to call in the big guns. "Honey, there was a flood, call someone to fix it." A couple of hours later, the Pipe Snake appears at our door with a friendly "Good Luck!" Hey, we can do that! So we plunge, we pipe snake, we plunge, we pipe snake...and no progress. And then...disaster, the two year old gets trapped in the excercise equipment and breaks his toe. I am done on toilet duty....Felix is left to go it alone. He too makes no progress. Hmmmmmm....a very perplexing situation at this point. Tomorrow, the toilet comes apart.

Tomorrow comes, along with a new set of adventures, like changing Baylee's (Sweaty Foot Girl) from a regular cast to a boot because of blisters caused by sweating. Once she is off to school with the boot, I softly hear the toilet beckoning...."Unclog me....Unclog me....Must flush!" I roll up my sleeves and begin. Again, I luck. And now, the toilet comes apart. This has to work. IT HAS TO WORK. Flip the toilet upside down and snake from the bottom. No luck. Call Grandma to complain...she has a wonder tool. Pick up the kids and pick up the tool. What a nifty little springy grabber thing.

I decide that I don't want to do this alone anymore, I bribe Savannah with the new Jonas Brothers CD if she will stick her hand in the toilet and get that bugger out! Hand in, it doesn't budge. We decide that it is time to fashion tools, just as our ancestors of old. If there isn't a tool that works, make one!

The myriad of washers, nuts, pushy pipe things and barbecue skewers that bend to make a fascinating reacher thingamabobber. And when you put two the them together, imagine the leverage!!! This is science at its best!!!!

So away goes Savannah, with the tools fashioned of fine metals...but no luck...and then the neighbors catch wind of the adventure. Lisa, takes a stab at it (literally, with a pocket knife), Sara gets over her fear of poo water and tries. And along comes Baylee, she too fails in the quest for proper flushing. Two hours, the group toiled and toiled over the plight of the toilet, and to no avail.

Time for a change of tactics. Okay, load her up. We load the toilet into the car, and head to the car wash, because a pressure washer has to be the answer. After the toilet is loaded and secured in the back of the car, we waited for the cover of darkness before heading to what had to be the answer to our dilemma. Darkness comes and we begin the mission. Once arriving at the car wash bay, we pull in just enough to hide what we are doing. I wait to make sure no one is looking and move the toilet into the bay as quickly as possible before anyone notices there is a toilet at the car wash. Get my quarters ready, load 'em up and FIRE!!!!!!

After getting completely drenched by the backspray, I notice, the water is draining!!!!! SUCCESS!!!! Savannah come out and check and see how far this has moved!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT AT ALL? Impossible. After exhausting our quarter supply, we return dejected to our home. After a phone call to Felix, it is determined that the time has come to burn that sucker out! You think I'm kidding? I don't kid, not about fire and toilets!

As you can see, we got a fairly good fire going. The kids were really hoping for marshmallows and s'mores, but something about the toilet kind of ruined that for me. You would be surprised how hard it is to get a fire going in a toilet. Lighting the paper on fire didn't seem to last very long. I'm sure it had something to do with just being pressure washed. Fire and water don't mix well. That is okay, we had a can of aerosol hairspray...makes for a good show, but still doesn't stay lit. No problem....we have gasoline...and we have fire.

We gather together and sing with one accord "Let's gather round the campfire, and sing a campfire song". You didn't think that Spongebob wouldn't join the fray at some point, did you? While enjoying the warmth from the bowl, our neighbors came by, drove by and commented on our fine yard decoration and creative fire pit. Funny, our invitations for s'mores were repeatedly turned down (I wouldn't have really roasted marshmallows over a toilet).

Well, as fun as it was, it was time to put the fire out. We hose it down, flip it over and after noticing the crack going all the way down the side, smash it into pieces.

As you can see, the ball made it unscathed. Not a burn mark on it. Go figure.

Lessons Learned:

1. If you want a good fire, use gasoline.

2. Porcelain burns at high temperatures.

3. Little plastic balls are indestructible.

4. Little Hands with little balls in them are very expensive.

5. A burning toilet brings families together.