STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!!

Oh Monday, if I never knew ye, would I like you?  Would you and I have a different relationship if you were known by any other name than Monday?  I know I shouldn't blame you....but when everyone else is sleeping, you sneak, hiding slyly against the walls...waiting for my first breath in the first seconds of the day you claim as your own.  Monday, sweet Monday....we gotta talk!

The days rolls by, each beginning at midnight and bidding farewell at approximately the same twenty four hours later....Oh, if you only knew exactly how true that was....

At exactly 12:01 am this Monday morning, I was awakened by the sound of the alarm counting down to loudness.  What the?  I stayed in bed deciding whether or not I was dreaming or if it was real.  Then I heard the garage door open and the sound of footsteps (in retrospect, the footsteps were panicked....during the experience ....it was some big, burly guy looking for someone to be his girlfriend in jail).  I jumped out of bed, in perfect rhythm to the sound of Felix's breathing.

I got to the alarm pad just as it started wailing, when I heard someone else punch in the code and the alarm silenced.  Not only was it a big, bad burly man....but a smart one as well.  As I looked around for a feather duster to use as a weapon, I heard the familiar sounds of Savannah crying (No, Savannah I'm not saying you cry too much, I'm saying you are 13) as the footsteps worked their way up to my room.

I ran to her (in a very motherly way, of course) to find out was wrong.  She had been dreaming she was being held captive and managed to escape.  She decided to make a break for it through the garage...when the alarm started beeping, she woke up, shut the garage and turned it off.  Oh, honey.  Being the extraordinary pillar of "Mother of the Year-dom-ness" that I am, I threw some blankets at her and had her make a bed on my floor so I could go back to sleep.

And once I slept and woke to my alarm, it was still Monday.  I got Savannah up and the boys up and let Baylee sleep for a while (since we were going to the doctors anyways).  After the boys were ready and on carpool-watch, I noticed my neighbor out the window.  Sadly, she was aware it was Monday too.  As they were going to the car, one of the kids locked her garage door, locking her out of her house without keys.

No problem....I can do carpool!  I started my car and got the boys herded in the right direction.  As the car was warming up, I woke up Baylee.  Back to the car..."Boys, get in.  I said, boys, get in.  GET IN THE CAR."  At which point my neighbor came back...keys in hand and said, "I'm driving!"  AWESOME.

I got the boys over to her car, when (much to my dismay), Caleb decided to have a meltdown in the middle of the street, "But I want YOUUUUUUUU to take me to school...in YOURRRRRRRRR car!"  It's nice to be needed.  Noah, however, did not need me and went with the neighbors while I drove Caleb to school.

As soon as I got home, I got Baylee ready and we left for her doctor appointment.  We were kind of dreading it, but it turned out good....and I use the term loosely.  We have six months for Baylee's feet to finish correcting on their own, or it's time for surgery.  I look at it as good news because now, I don't have to start freaking out until (February, March, April, May, June, July) July.  I don't have to freak until July.  I can do that.

We make the drive back to the valley from Salt Lake and I totally miss the exit...so we get to go to Orem and turn around.  That's always fun.  I drop Baylee off, stop for a quick chat with the schools director (find out why my Kindergartner got lectured for beating up the eighth graders) and head back out.

As I am walking to the car, I smell gas...okay I didn't at first...but once the recess monitor pointed it out...I could TOTALLY smell it.  I go back and talk to the director, the gas company has already check it and we're good.  So back to the car I go.

I go the store, completely forget all about couponing and spend WAY more money than I planned.  Such is life....at least, such is my life.

I get home and decide that now would be a good time to tape and paint the trim in the basement.  Of course it is.  I have 45 WHOLE minutes until Kindergarten carpool.  I finished taping much faster than I had anticipated and of course went right to painting.

I get to carpool, drop the kids off, take my kid home and tell him if he wants lunch right this second he's on his own...If he can wait 20 minutes I'll make it.  Yeah, he waited.  I finished painting the trim (coat 1 of course) and made lunch.

While I ate, I hunkered down at my computer and worked for an hour or so.  Yes, that would be my J-O-B...which I love, so it was an incredibly welcome distraction from life.

As soon as I am done with work, I go and do coat number 2.  Don't give me grief about letting the paint dry....I have a system and it's not your trim, so ZIP IT!

Savannah came home just in time to watch me finish up.  I hurry and take the tape off so we can get to piano lessons.

We love piano lessons.  It helps we have one of the very best teachers in the world.  If she can teach me (or at least make the attempt), then she has to be good.

Savannah was about halfway through her lesson when my phone rang.  It was Noah....having an asthma attack....having a REALLY, REALLY bad asthma attack.  I keep him calm enough to get to his inhaler....no reaction.  Not good.  I walk him through setting up his nebulizer and start a treatment.  At this point, I realize that I can't get to him fast enough.  I call Felix, who immediately gets up, walks out of a meeting and to his boy.

In the middle of all of that, the school calls.  Carpool left her.  Really?  Okay.  So I call Noah back and stay on the phone with him to make sure he hasn't passed out.  "Noah, please grunt every few seconds so I know you're still with me."  At which point, I listen to a beautiful symphony that sounds a little something like, "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." He didn't just grunt, he moaned.....and moaned.....and moaned.

Felix called to tell me he was getting close.  I switched back to Noah who was trying to explain the feeling of the life being crushed out of him.  There is nothing quite as surreal as listening to your baby suffocate.  Helpless doesn't describe it.

I ask Noah if he wants me to have Grandma come up and help him.  He is such a smart boy, he decided that he didn't want Grandma to see his room, so he would rather suffer alone.  I totally get that.

I have him go and grab an ice cube and sit on the porch to wait for his dad.  Once Felix gets him, he calls me to tell me that he is worse than we thought and they are going to the ER.  After a few minutes, Felix calls back to tell me that he has started breathing better and they are going to InstaCare instead.

I, at this point, am heading to get Baylee at school.  I pick her up, drop the kids off and go to meet Felix and Noah at the doctor.

At his lowest point, his oxygen was at 80....that's bad....that's very, very bad.  But after another treatment, he started breathing better and we got a prescription for a new nebulizer....YAY!  There is always a good side, sometimes you have to look, really, really hard, but it's there.

We decided to go to the home health clinic and pick up the nebulizer right away.  This one is batter powered and has a car charger....I love technology!

Noah stayed in the car and continued moaning....he would make awesome tracks for the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland.  It was however, broken up by an occasional gasp of air.  "What was that?"  "Oh, I keep forgetting to breath...it really, really, hurts."  That sucks.

So Monday, as I sit here thinking about my (your) day, I think you can understand why I find it difficult to love you.  I want to love you.  I want, more importantly, to understand you.  I think I have bad days on Tuesdays, perhaps even an odd Friday or Saturday....but there is something about you that just doesn't sit well with me.  In the meantime, just know....I'm watching, and waiting for your next appearance, even though I know you have 4 and half hours left of today....  And just for reference, I don't get mad, I get even.

Lessons Learned
1. STRS (sound it out...it sounds like stress) is a 4 letter word.
2. Everyone has (thus far) made it out alive.  That means it's a good day.
3. Asthma is not nice.
4. Noah should do Halloween tracks.
5. This is yet another reminder for me to be grateful for the little things...like breathing.  Autonomic functions are TOTALLY underrated.

Twi-Harder

I just read the Twilight series for the first time.  I am an aberration to pop culture.

I HATED IT!

On so many levels and for SO many reasons.  I will name a few....just for fun.

1.  Pride and Prejudice is my favorite novel....EVER.  After Darcy could there EVER be anyone else?

2.  Anne of Green Gables is my favorite series....EVER (Baylees middle name is Anne...and does it FIT).  Anne and Gilbert anyone?

3.  I don't want my little girls to think that it is EVER okay for boys to sneak into their rooms and spend the night....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

4.  I don't want my little girls to think they aren't enough on their own.....even with a broken heart.  As I am now INCREDIBLY fond of saying, "There can never be an 'US' without a 'U' (YOU) first."  AND I MEAN IT.

5.  I really like fantasy fiction....I'm always up for a good love story, but one can only take 'his chest was like marble' so many times before they consider changing their kitchen counters from granite to foam because of the memories left by a book.

6.  I'd be ticked if someone ruined my pillows, let alone my headboard.

7.  Not to mention a DOG thinking it's going to marry my baby....that's just wrong.

8.  Totally offended by the Abraham, Sarah, Haggar reference....if you don't know what I'm talking about, there's this book....it's called the Bible.

9.  The Loch Ness Monster....where the HUD did that come from?????

10.  Sigh.....I could go on forever.....I'm never going to get the images out of my head.

Lessons Learned

1.  Savannah knows me SO well....she said I would feel better if I rewrote the series....she's right....I would.

2.  Liz and Cat....the 'I HATE TWILIGHT' party had better be worth it.

3.  I have a new, profound gratitude for the incredible rate of speed at which I read.

4.  My little girls deserve WAY better than the boys in these stories.....I hope I can make sure they understand that.

5.  I understand that at this point in my life, I am somewhat jaded and cynical....but I know my husband loves me BECAUSE I am strong and I didn't have to change myself to fit into his world.

SAVINGS, SAVINGS, SAVINGS.....at a Price

Oh boy!  I sure did it this time.  I have angered the great and powerful WalMart.

I have been trying to get into couponing for a couple of years now.  It's been pretty off and on, but I have been trying to pick back up on it....my OCD needs and outlet and I am DESPERATELY trying NOT to bake myself to death.  Who do I think I'm kidding....my neighbors love it when I get stressed....they get really well fed.

Regardless, thanks to Extreme Couponing, the show about couponers who have more time than I have EVER thought about having in my ENTIRE LIFE, I decided I could do that. I didn't do nearly as well as them, but hey, 60% off of my groceries ain't half bad.  BUT.....it was a smidge  more of an adventure than I thought.

So due to some time constraints and unforeseeable adventures, I waited until the last day of the sales (TODAY) that I wanted to hit.  Last week, I took the circulars, decided what I want and ordered my coupons so I could scoop 'em up.   I didn't want to go to 4 different stores, so I decided to take WalMart up on their price matching policy.   Ayyyyyy!

I know I looked like at loon with my 24 boxes of oatmeal....but it was flavored!  And once I was done, $.67/box....yes sixty seven cents....usually about 2.70....AWESOME.   I had a whole bunch of other goodies like that...mostly stocking up on school lunch supplies and snacks....but my cart did look a little obnoxious.  Unfortunately, I do have to tell you about the 60 candy bars.....NO I am not going to eat them all....today.  But the candy bars will become very important later on in this adventure.

I very methodically unloaded my cart.  12 cans of Progresso, 24 boxes of oatmeal, 20 bags of chex mix, 24 packages (packages....that means x4 cups) of pudding, 4 boxes of Special K, 36 Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, 24 Skor bars AND a box of Alka Seltzer.  Yes, I am that crazy....you either love me or you don't....deal with it.

I count everything as I am waiting for my turn.  I looked at the lady behind me and made a general announcement to the poor suckers....I mean innocent bystanders behind me, "I am price matching and then doing coupons."  The lady directly behind me said, "No worries."  Awesome, I didn't have to worry about her.

Then I realize who the checker is.  I don't like this lady on a good day.  Sigh....should have paid more attention.  Oh well....I already unloaded.

Sooooooo, there were sign all over the store announcing WalMarts policy of price matching.  That means there was more than one.  So I was thinking this would be a piece of cake.  WRONG!!!!!!

I had place everything on the belt in order.  I had everything that needed to be price matched together.  I explain it to her, take out my first ad and she says.  This doesn't have a date.  I can't use the ad.  Ummmmmm.....here's the date.  She rolled her eyes.  SHE ROLLED HER EYES!!!!  Then she looks at my item and says, you bought the wrong size....I can't use the ad.  Ummmmmmm.....here is the RANGE for sizes.  My products fall in the RANGE.  She rolls her eyes.  AGAIN!

Needless to say, the checker argued over every single price match.  EVERY SINGLE ONE!   But I'm stubborn....that sucked for her.   Especially at coupon time.

We finally made it through my products....now it was time for coupons.  The pregnant lady a couple of patrons back was looking wistfully at the bathroom....I felt bad about that, but I was getting too close to done to stop now.

I decided to hand over my 30 coupons for the Reeses PB cups/Hershey candy bars.  I price matched down to .50, then had a Buy One Get One free coupon....so each candy bar was .25.  Unless of course you were the checker from Aytch EEEEE Double Hockey Sticks.  She looks at the coupon and says, "You can't use these.  They are for Reeses, Kit Kats or Hershey Bars."  My reply was, "No, it says Reeses, Kit Kats or ANY Hershey Bars."  She said, "No it doesn't."  I said, "Yes, it does."  She said, "No it doesn't"  I said, "When you put the letters A, N and Y together in this order is spells ANY."  She used the coupons.  I offered to help write in the amount.  She said, "You have already handed me the coupons, you CANNOT touch them again."   Crabby.

Then we get through the soup coupons, cereal coupons, chex coupons.....then the lady behind me said, "Do you have any more coupons?"  I showed her my stack and she said, "This is ridiculous, you are ruining my day.  I can't believe this is happening."  I told her, "I'm not ruining your day."  She packed up her stuff and went to another lane....BYE!  At which point the checker went into a tizzy.  Every time someone tried to get in line behind me she would yell (and I'm not exaggerating....she was yelling), "We have a TON of coupons, you are going to have to go somewhere else."  I'm pretty sure there was one guy that was going to start crying.

Near the end of the adventure I looked at the checker and said, "are my pudding coupons in that stack?  I had them with those ones."  She said, "I don't know where they went."  Until I looked down and saw they were tucked away under the little shelf.  SHE WAS HIDING MY COUPONS.....for RUDE!  But I caught her, and she scanned them.

When all was said and done, I bought about $212 worth of groceries and I paid about $90.

We were FINALLY done.  Then as I was walking out of the store, perusing my purchases and receipt, I realized she charged me for 29 boxes of oatmeal and I only had 24.  I don't think so!  So I got to turn around and go to the customer service representative.  I WANT MY $8 DOLLARS!  (Better Off Dead anyone?)

I explained what happened to the customer service person and told her she could count my oatmeal and she looked at the receipt, looked at my cart, looked at me and said, "Ummmm, I'll take your word for it."

Lessons Learned
1.  I did buy 4 more boxes of oatmeal than I had coupons for....I won't make that mistake again.  MUST COUNT BETTER.
2.  There really is a high when you realize that you are doing more with less.
3.  WalMart needs to change the bottom of their receipt from "We will GLADLY accept manufacturer and internet coupons." to "We will accept coupons and price matching only if you make us and we can be jerks about it."
4.  It was kind of fun.  I think I'm going to buy Peanut Butter next week.
5.  I don't want to go overboard, but my OCD might like this game.

7 Wonders of MY World.....

As an insomniac, my mind can COMPLETELY spin out of control during a sleepless night.....especially when on Ambien and STILL not sleeping.

Last week, things were insane....hey, have you met me?  THINGS ARE ALWAYS INSANE!

Without detail....which I prefer not to give anyway, one of my two sleepless nights went a little something like this.  Just remember....I am doing my darndest to get across the things that were going on inside of my head.  So as you read this, you are going to have to look at this as a sort of 'dialogue'.  I'll use quotation marks....hopefully that will help.

"Sigh.  It's 12:30....I've already been trying for an hour and a half....and nothing.  I'm not even goobery from the Ambien.  Why does Ambien work sometimes and sometimes not?  Hmmmmm.....I wonder if I should Google that in the morning.  Oh, I love that story....the one with the little school girl and the 7 wonders of the world.  I wonder if it would be cheating if I totally stole them and put them on my blog.  Cuz she was pretty cool for a kid....she didn't look at THINGS and think they were wonders.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, her wonders were SOOOOOOOOOOO way better....Hope, love and all that crap.

I wonder what my wonders would be?  Is it cheating if I stole her list?  The Pyramids in Giza ARE pretty cool....no they aren't a wonder.  My kids could be my wonders......except those are like a total given, I don't want to waste one of my seven on my kids.  Ohhhhh, that might hurt their feelings.  Too bad.  How about peace?  Peace is a good wonder....only there isn't any....if there was I'd be asleep.  Sigh....only 1:15?  SOOOOO many hours left.

Hope, hope is a wonder.  I have hope.  Except when I don't.  I try to have hope.  I don't know if I have hope tonight.  What were the 7 things on that little girls list.  I guess I'll have to look it up so I don't wonder.....ha, ha....I just decided I didn't want to wonder about wonder.  That was a good one.  Yeah, hope should go on the list.

What about doctors?  Should doctors be a wonder?  I don't know.  They awesome and all that, but I think I want to go bigger.  God is a wonder.  Oh yeah.  Totally, but should He be on the list?  I mean, I'm looking at wonders as things He has given me, so if He's on the list, is that cheating?  Maybe we could go with prayer.  Prayer is a wonder.  Mmmmmmm, maybe I should pray for sleep.  Wait, I did....didn't I?  I don't know anymore.  What time is it?  Should I look, will I just get depressed?

I should be nicer.  I'm not very nice....especially when I am tired.  I'm so tired.  Tomorrow is going to be such a long day.  I wonder how my friends are.  I wonder if they are sleeping?  If they are, am I jealous?  Yeah, totally jealous....how do I manage to break a commandment when all I'm trying to do is sleep?  I have got to get that whole coveting thing under control.

Ohhhhhh, 4 am.....so tired.......why can't I BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP."

Lessons Learned
1. The beep, beep, beep was a combo of what I was saying in my head and the alarm....just so you know.
2.  Insomnia sucks.
3.  For the first time in YEARS....I'm talking like 10 years.....I slept this weekend.  That was nice.
4.  And yes.....I did tone it down for you....it really gets much, much, much worse.
5.  At least I'm never bored.