Tuesday, May 3, 2011


You know....I am obviously stressed when I can get soooo worked up over something as benign as an Oil of Olay commercial, and a Cover Girl commercial, and a L'Oreal commercial....etc.....

I was watching TV last night, since I couldn't sleep (which is normal when Felix is travelling)....now, I am watching something on like Tru TV and every single commercial during the break was a beauty commercial.  And I got ticked off....

As someone who has always struggled with herself, never thin, never pretty, never anything like everybody else, I have always had a particular distaste for some model on TV telling you why she's prettier than you.  BUT, my self esteem is not the point of this.

I noticed last night, that all the ads were geared toward being younger looking...erasing time, erasing wrinkles...you know, typical finding the fountain of youth stuff.

So here is what went through my mind last night as I was seething over nothing:

I would rather have loved and lost, loved and won, had pain so I could be grateful when it wasn't there.

I would rather have experienced agony and defeat, so winning would taste sweeter.

I would rather make mistakes and have the opportunity to learn, than sit and watch and do nothing.

I would rather laugh and make laugh lines, cry and create lines of sorrow, than feel nothing at all.

I would rather have seen, heard, done, cried, laughed, tried, fail, moved forward, fallen backward, gotten up and brushed myself off than have not lived.

I would rather have my experiences evident, than try to hide, diminish, mask, camoflauge the bits and pieces of the world that made me who I am.

I would rather have it show that I have lived, laughed and loved, instead of appearing to have experienced nothing.

I would rather make it to the "Fountain of Experience" than the "Fountain of Youth".

Lessons Learned
1. I really hope that I am moving out of my funk if I am making such ado about nothing.
2. I really don't want to be what you see on TV, reality is so much better.
3. I wonder how much airbrushing it takes on TV to look that flawless.
4. I am so totally flawed....why hide it?
5. I am who I am.