Friday, July 31, 2009

Any Job Worth Doing is Worth Doing Well

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION IS EXACT. SOME SUBJECT MATTER MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR ALL AUDIENCES. WHILE GROSS AND DISGUSTING IN NATURE, IT IS THE SUBJECT MATTER OF KINGS, PRINCES AND ALL MANNER OF 4 YEAR OLDS.

ADDITIONAL WARNING: AUTHOR WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR INJURIES CAUSED BY EXCESSIVE SHOCK, LAUGHTER OR FALLING OFF OF CHAIRS.

I took the kids out to dinner last night because Felix was out of town and it is kind of a tradition when Felix is out of town. Of course in the middle of dinner Caleb had to go to the bathroom, because we were at a public place and my children always have to go to the bathroom when they are out in public.

After Caleb went to the bathroom, he looked at me and said, "It's always good when I don't pee on my face." I happen to agree with that statement.

Then he said, "Want to know why I don't pee on my face?" Out of a sincerely frightened and disgusting curiousity, I did.

And of course the reason is, "Because my parents did a good job."

Lessons Learned
1. I have always wanted to know that my children were successful...this wasn't quite what I was looking for, but even small victories are victories.
2. Isn't it awesome when, even as a 4 year old, you have some control over your world.
3. I'm glad I can count on my children to tell it like it is.
4. Thank goodness that conversation happened in the bathroom instead of at the table...I might have thrown up.
5. Ahhhhhh, a 4 year old acknowledgement of the obvious is quite satisfying in a twisted kind of way.

I Love You Too!

When you read the title, make sure you are thinking of that song from Pete's Dragon. The one where Helen Reddy's character is singing to Peter after he has lived with her for a while. Yeah, that one.

So I was getting ready to herd everyone up and get them out the door for piano on Wednesday. I was doing my hair...side note: Doing my hair is really very relative...I try to do just enough that it looks I did whatever it is I do to that tumbleweed that sits on top of my head.

Caleb comes into my bathroom and the following conversation takes place.....

Caleb: Mom, your hair looks hot.

Mom: Gee, thanks.

Caleb: So, uh, how long are you going to be married to dad?

Mom: Forever sweetie.

Caleb: So, uh, do you think you will be done soon?

Mom: Nope, forever is a really a long, long time. Dad and I are always going to be married.

Caleb: Well then, when can I be married?

Mom: When you are a grown up you can be married too.

Caleb: (With a stomp of his foot and scowl on his face) I'M TRYING!

Lessons Learned
1. I apparently had a really good hair day (even if it was only for a few minutes) on Wednesday.
2. He loves me.
3. It's nice to know one of my children likes me right now (I'm kind of ornery).
4. I even passed off almost all of my songs at piano with NO practice...wrong, but awesome.
5. Hopefully I am giving Caleb high expectations for his wife...that is a nice thought.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

How Hard Can It Be?

Question:

How hard can it be to mess up rice krispy squares?

Answer:

Not very.

Lessons Learned
1. No more stress cooking...I've lost my edge.
2. I love rice krispy squares.
3. They taste good even when they are WRONG.
4. Sigh.
5. Stress sustenance makes me sigh.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Life is SO Unfair

Oh the injustice...there are no words.

This morning, Baylee was really struggling with pain. She had a friend come over to 'watch' a movie yesterday and completely overdid it. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

As I was getting her set for the morning...pain meds, water, breakfast, pillow...you know, the whole 9 yards, there was a blood curdling scream in the living room from Caleb. I go running into the living to find my poor boy crying. He had the broom and large tears running down his face.

Worried that something was broken (mainly him) I ran to him and asked, "What's wrong? What's wrong?" He looked up at me and said in a wavering, little voice, "I don't know how to limbo."

At which point, we both cried.

Life Lessons
1. It's a good thing that you don't 'officially' learn to limbo until you are five. We can start training early though.
2. Laughter IS the best medicine. You may not heal, but you sure do have a better outlook on life.
3. Now I know why the broom was balanced on the piano bench and couch.
4. Perhaps it's time for a luau.
5. Maybe I should watch an Elvis flick....that should take care of it.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Life Lessons....the Wendy Way

You never know where your day is going to go when it starts out with your crying, not admitting your crying and telling yourself and everyone else who might be awake or care that there is a huge speck of tree in your eye.

So this blog is going to be a bit different than most...it is pretty much going to be my most recent life lessons through the whole thing and I didn't see the need to be repetitive. I am going to tell you what brought me to this point and then I am going to shove my life lessons down your throat.

Before I start I do need to explain how my brain works. Or maybe doesn't work. My brain is sort of a weavy, wandering kind of place. I can't compare my brain to something that even moves in a relatively straight line...kind of like a train on tracks...at least it is harder to get off point when there are tracks. My brain and thought processes are more like a drunk donkey pulling a cart on a very long tow rope. It doesn't matter where the drunk donkey goes because thanks to the long tow rope, the wagon is going to go where ever the heck it wants...up, down, sideways, circles, yada yada yada.

This is the short, short version of the story. Three weeks ago Caleb broke his arm. The first two weeks of checkups it wasn't healing. Last Thursday, we went in for checkup number three (after he fell out of the car flat onto his cast) and it was miraculously healing. WHEW. I though maybe I could take a moment and breathe a sigh of relief...well...that was dumb wasn't it.

Last night at 11 Baylee was walking up the stairs, rolled her ankle and yes, you guessed it...broke it. AMAZING. I had just taken my Ambien so I was not a candidate for driving her to the hospital, so this time Felix got to have the fun all by himself. Fortunately, it was a slow night at the ER and they were home by 1 with the splint, the crutches and the pain meds. We had a relatively good night, only one massive nightmare/pain episode and I got up at six (which by the way equals massive non-alcoholic hangover when you take Ambien at 10:30 and don't go to bed until after 1...I think that may have had something to do with my being so dang weepy).

I called the doctor at 7 because Caleb has had jaw pain and I figured I needed to check at least one thing off of my list. And I was able to check one thing off of my list...when I asked the doctor what would happen when DCFS came a knockin' he promised he would testify in my behalf....what a great guy.

Turns out Caleb has strep, and because Baylee and Noahs health problems they ended up on antibiotics too. Okay...whatever, oh and RRRRRIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTT.

On the way home as my very little brain was moving through the combination of crazy that was raining down on my head here is where my head headed (hahahahahaha). Maybe we can look at this as a self-interview....kind of like Tiger Woods did at his tourny.

Life Lessons
1. What do ya do when Heavenly Father has more faith in you than you?
That is a fabulous question. Confusing, but fabulous. I could ask but I don't think I want to know the answer. But thank goodness I didn't have to ask, Heavenly Father has a way of answering my questions that I am too chicken to put out there and the answer is: that is up to you. What do you NEED (not want, NEED) to do? My answer is keep going. I am one of those people that is afraid to stop for fear of not liking what it's like when I stop. What if it is boring? You know what I mean? I already know that I can do what I do, so why mess with it. As per the line in Beauty and the Beast..."If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it." I'm good with that...works for me.

2. Why does this keep happening to me?
I almost feel like I am in a really bad soap opera with a lot of eye make up and big hair. WHY? I have never been a why me kind of gal, but definitely Why Now. Then I had one of those epiphany, light bulb over the head moments when I realized...does it really matter? Does it really matter why? Does it really why now? Not so much. those two question aren't going to change the fact that whatever is going on is going. What is, is. You can either roll with it or get run over by it. The why part is kind of trivial when you are wading in the middle of the muck.

3. When you laugh through your trials, does that make you crazy?
Crazy in a good way or crazy in a bad way? I suppose it depends, if I am running down the street with a butcher knife in my hand laughing like a hyena...that would be crazy in a bad way and that is not good. The other option: realizing that in every situation there is an element of good, an element of funny, probably an element of sad, mad or a hundred other emotions. But this is one of those things where the Law of Opposition really comes in handy. When you know the bad, the good is SO much sweeter.

4. Does the world stop turning for everyone else when it stops turning for you?
YES...I mean NO. I mean YES...No, not really. I wish, but I am pretty sure there would be a HUGE cosmic catastrophe. Probably floods, earthquakes, etc, etc, etc and I would really hate to be responsible for all of that just because I think the world should stop turning. Besides...weird and creepy...and I don't do weird and creepy...much.

5. Whose fault is it when you feel so alone, scared, overwhelmed and/or freaked out beyond belief?
That would be yours, I mean mine...you know what I mean...put it in context. When I look around and see how blessed and extremely fortunate I am to be surround by wonderful people who care. It is truly a modern day miracle when a total dork (like me) would be surrounded by so many angels. What a wonderful time and place to be in, knowing that regardless of the crazy, not a single one of us has to walk the path alone. Phew what a relief. I have realized that when you spread the weight of the world on a few extra shoulders, it isn't quite so heavy.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Stupid Woman Driver

Just so you don't hold your breath waiting to find out who that stupid woman driver is...ummmm, that would be me.

It has been an interesting few weeks...little to no sleep, just to keep things exciting. I finally went to the doctor to attempt to solve that little problem and I have slept 2 whole days in a row. And given the events of the night, sleep ain't what it's cracked up to be.

We decided to go out for ice cream...my stress level has been a little high and I needed a little sustenance...Cold Stone Creamery style. We had a wonderful time until Caleb and his new green cast decided to go a little haywire in the middle of Cold Stone. So since the kids were done (except for Baylee...no surprise there) and Felix and I weren't we decided to head home and keep the peace (and pieces of Cold Stone together). I drove because I had less ice cream to melt all over the car.

I turned left onto whatever street that is that goes by Spankys (and I love that there is a diner named Spankys for SO many reasons, but that is a conversation for another day and another time when my therapist ISN'T on vacation) and through the 4 way stop to the hospital. At the four way stop I stop, signal and wait for the other car to go. I go hit a MASSIVE bump, get a dirty look from Felix and then the stupid exclamation point light on the dashboard turns on.

I pull over and Felix gets out. He looks at the back tire and I new it was flat. As he was looking at the front tire, it went flat. FINE. Okay. FINE.

He calls roadside assistance...at this point I was grateful for the extended warranty. 45 minutes later I am walking home with the kids, Felix is still on the phone and I now hate roadside assistance. My wonderful friend and neighbor Lisa (you really need to start your own blog, this would be a great story from your point of view) came a picked us up. Once I got the kids home I went back and met Felix to wait for the tow truck.

When I got there is was back on the phone with roadside assistance because they couldn't figure out where in Pleasant Grove we were (they don't understand the grid system) and hadn't even called a tow truck. So I call Johns towing, get a tow truck on the way and call roadside assistance back. Arrange to get reimbursed for the costs and proceed to sit in my car and play games on my cell phone.

A while later (can I just say, most men are unfamiliar with the way time passes...for them it goes so much slower than in reality), it was supposed to be 20 minutes but ended up as 40, the tow truck arrived, got the car and hung a FAB-O u-ey to take the car to Big O Tires. At least he took the short road...but we had to drive on that evil road with the POORLY maintained corners...I'm just sayin'.

From beginning of tow to end of tow...12 minutes. Awesome. So now for my birthday, I get 4 new tires...you're jealous...that's okay, it will pass...eventually.

Lessons Learned
1. I don't think I need ice cream anymore.
2. I don't think I will drive holding ice cream ever again.
3. If this is how well I drive when I sleep, I don't think I need to sleep anymore.
4. One day my husband might talk to me again.
5. One day I might drive again....one day.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Popularity: It IS All It's Cracked Up to Be

I would like to thank Christy and Jen for their inspiration for this post. It is because of my pursuit of their popularity that I am where I am today.

As an homage to the reasons why people want to be popular, I have compiled my
POPULARITY PERKS OF 2009 list. This list may or may not prove to be so popular that it will have an annual release. So please, if you wish to see more of this in the future...leave comments. This list will be presented in the most popular color and font, we want to make sure the popular people are happy. Really, really happy.

POPULARITY PERKS OF 2009

10. When you are popular, PEOPLE LISTEN TO YOU. Which is a good thing. Because obviously, you have said enough right things that you got popular in the first place.

9. When you are popular, people try to dress like you. Get a personal tailor with an airtight contract so you are only wearing one of a kinds.

8. When you are popular, people want to be your friend. Thank goodness for Facebook so you can make people your 'virtual' friends without having to actually talk to them.

7. When you are popular, people surround you all of the time giving you positive, personal affirmation. Quite frankly they should....no use wasting on the undeserving.

6. When you are popular, people try to buy your affection. You aren't free, cheap or easy, so start saving up.

5. When you are popular, you are blessed with plausible deniability. You can rob a bank in plain view of the cops, but that's okay, you didn't do it, you're popular. It was really Bubba Jr.

4. When you are popular, people automatically go along with your plans. Everyone knows that popular people have good plans...it is how they got to be popular in the first place.

3. When you are popular and thirsty (all at the same time), and when you ask for a drink, people bring you the good bottled water.

2. When you are popular you don't have to overexert, regular people are fully aware of the fact you need ALL of your energy to maintain your popularity.

1. And the best part is when you are popular, you have the super special key to the good bathroom that has a gold toilet seat in ALL public places (including Wal-Mart, McDonalds, etc).

Lessons Learned

1. Christy, Jen...can I just look at the super special key...just once?
2. Popularity is WAY too hard to maintain. I mean who would want to ruin their shoes by stepping on so many little people.
3. TRUE popularity comes from within.
4. Popularity is as popularity does.
5. I mean, Obama is popular.............what does that tell you?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Poo Water

Okay, before you go any further, just know that I am ranting. You've been warned. If you continue to go forward, you do so at your own risk.

So like, my lawn has been looking worse and worse, and you know what...I didn't much feel like doing anything about it. But when I saw my grandma pouring bottled water on the dry spots, I felt a little bit of pressure.

I got my little tool thingy to adjust the sprinklers, turned 'em on and went to town. Here's the issue:

1. Very little training from the sprinkler dude when we got the new sprinklers.
2. So little training, in fact, that after a freakin' hour getting drenched by the stupid irrigation poo water I had to look up how to adjust them online. URGH.
3. Which brings me to my next point...why do children feel the need to touch sprinklers? Perhaps my grass would be OKAY if someone hadn't turned the heads to water the stupid street.
4. After another hour getting soaked in the poo water trying to adjust the sprinklers the WRONG WAY...oh and did I mention that I didn't sleep all night and I have a stiff neck...so I am already CRABBY and CRAZY? After adjusting the sprinklers the wrong way for an hour, bruising my hand and making it swell up like a very little balloon, I read the instructions again and did the right way in 5 minutes. Don't go there...not pretty.
5. So I finally come in to find Baylee having decided to make slushies and there is stupid flavored syrup all over my counter, my floor and the brand new slushie maker in pieces. WHATEVER.
6. After some hysteria about cleaning up, I tell Noah to watch Caleb so I can get the poo water off of me. Then I get to the next point....
7. Where's Caleb? Has anybody seen Caleb? After tearing through the house screaming at the top of my lungs, I realize I saw him go to the neighbors house while I was covered in POO WATER. Riiiiigggghhhhtttt.
8. So I call my husband to complain, we talk for a minute, my husbands cell drops the call and I am so frustrated that I can't even vent, I throw the phone down and plop on the floor in tears...oh and did I mention that I didn't sleep all night and have a stiff neck?
9. I get the poo water off, come downstairs and find that Baylee missed the whole screaming 'clean up after yourself' fit. So she got another one.

Lessons Learned
1. Done ranting.
2. Wait...
3. Nope.
4. Gotta find a kid....
5. Must yell.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Stadium of LIAR

My kids wanted to go to the Stadium of Fire as soon as they heard the Jonas Brothers were going to be there. And Felix and I being the devious, cruel hearted parents that we are decided to take them, but NOT tell them. I bought our tickets on the day they came out (we did manage to get some pretty good seats) and hid them until Saturday...YAY me.

When Savannah found out her BFF Sara was going, I was subject to begging, pleading, and all manner of sobbing when I told her, sorry, we just didn't have the money this year. Not that she didn't try OVER and OVER and OVER again. There was much humor (for me at least). Felix and I enjoyed immensely, the fact that our children couldn't understand why they didn't get what the wanted, the second they wanted it. We chalked it up to a life lesson.

Eventually, I let Saras' mom in on the surprise, and we made arrangements to bring their kids home so they wouldn't have to fight the traffic to pick them up. We managed to keep it from all of the kids...it was awesome.

So on Saturday night, we left at 6:30 to get to the stadium. We told the kids we were going to Provo to buy fireworks from a place that was supposed to be really cheap (I AM SUCH A LIAR). We warned them that we would probably get stuck in traffic...how prophetic that statement ended up being. Even though we left early, sadly for us, we took a wrong turn, got completely bogged down in traffic and didn't get anywhere near the stadium until 7:50...YIKES. So we ended up parking 2 blocks away (in our pediatricians parking lot, no less). We were hoping for the handicapped parking lot for Baylee, but we were so late, it was already blocked off and we were out of luck.

When we finally got out of the car, the kids wanted to know where the fireworks stand was, Felix and I were both in such a bad mood that we snapped at the kids that we were going to Stadium of Fire and they better move fast. We pretty much ran to the stadium and managed to get into our seats by 8:10.

Thankfully, I didn't miss my favorite part (the flyover)...and as soon as Caleb saw the jets and helicopters, he was ready for the action. The girls were so giddy, they couldn't stop grinning and giggling. Noah was so mad about not buying fireworks and going back to grandmas that he sat with his arms folded and pouting. Hey...your loss dude.

We truly enjoyed Glen Beck (okay, I did...I'm a huge fan...I share very similar beliefs regarding the direction of our country). I loved the historial aspect of the flag, and was so excited to see my kids paying attention and asking questions about our nations history...I LOVE MY LITTLE BRAINIACS.

She-Daisy was okay...not a country fan, so I didn't really care. Savannah and I kept texting Sara and James to arrange for a meeting point after the show so we could all get to the car in one piece. We really liked the fire-dancers...we admit it, we love the thrill and possibility of someone getting hurt performing (it kind of goes right along with going to hockey games to watch the blood bounce on the ice).

The Jonas Brothers put on a great show and the girls screamed until their throats were raw. Caleb decided somewhere in the middle that he needed a light stick...couldn't find one, so I bought him a light 'em up mug...didn't work. So he screamed for an hour. YAY for me. Felix went and looked for a light stick...no luck. Noah continued to pout and the girls continued to swoon. I loved watching the people (okay, the old people like me...give all of the screechy girls weird looks like, "Okay, you can stop now.")

My favorite part (my new favorite) was when the giant flag was retired. It was such an honor, watching the symbol of our country be respectfully laid to rest and honorably retired after so many years of service. It was very touching for me, because I had been at the Stadium of Fire that the flag was first used.

I am so grateful for this nation and all that it stands for. We are struggling right now, but if we can pull together and work hard, we will be better for the fight. This nation is worth standing up for, not only abroad but within. After this holiday season, I am definitely ready and willing to stand up for America. I realize how good I have it here, and want to continue that way. One of the neatest things I saw at the Stadium was on a T-shirt. It read, "Resistance to tyranny is obedience to God." LOVE IT.

I loved the surprise, but I did have some major explaining to do about lying. Lying is wrong, unless you are the mom and have an extremely good reason. Fortunately, my kids were happy enough to forgive me. While I don't usually with this philosophy, this time it was definitely "better to ask forgiveness than get permission".

As we were on our way out to the car (with our 7 charges), Felix spied a light stick dude across the way and drug us all to him to buy the stick for Caleb. Caleb responded with, "Okay, now I'm happy." And as we made our way across the street, Noah started leading the group and made the comment to Felix, "I like being in front, it makes me feel good about myself."

My kids manage to find happiness in the oddest places...but no one ever said normal equals happy...I think my family is proof positive of that.

Lessons Learned

1. FAMILY TIME ROCKS.
2. AMERICA ROCKS.
3. LYING DOES NOT ROCK (but this time it worked).
4. ACCORDING TO BAYLEE AND SAVANNAH, THE JONAS BROTHERS ROCK.
5. I am really grateful that I walk on the treadmill everyday, I wasn't even sore the next day.
There was an error in this gadget

This Day in History