Thursday, November 10, 2011

MORE Than Yesterday

Yesterday....hmmmm....I feel a little bit bad about my post yesterday.  I was in a pretty deep, dark funk....not that things are super bright and SHINY this morning, but laying awake all night has brought me a little bit of perspective.

Okay, I didn't just lay awake all night....I cried, I prayed...and I realized.  I realized how I was going about this all wrong.  I've never had to bear this burden alone....none of us ever do.  How grateful I am for a loving Father in Heaven who can teach gently, and soothe the spirit of a worried mommy.

Last night we had a combined activity with the Young Men and Young Women.  Human chess.  I suck at regular chess...there was NO way I was going to get into human chess.  In hindsight, I wouldn't have had as much to think about last night if I had been involved with human chess.

I had one friend who told me about how much she got done when her husband was out of town...because they were so in love they just followed each other around when he WAS in town.  AWESOME!  I feel like that about Felix, but I don't act on it.  I need to show my husband more how awesome I think he is.  She gave me a wonderful sense of resolve to make sure my husband and my kiddos know how special they are and too not get caught up in the hype of life.

Then as I was leaving, I had a friend in her car (who always puts the best jokes on FB) that I had to thank for being SO fun and funny.  She told me she posted those jokes for a friend who is losing her courageous battle with brain cancer.  I was in awe of her before, but now....I gained a little bit of insight into what it meant to be walking as Christ walked and loving as He loved.  It may sound like a simple thing....and it is, but what a perfect example of how to just love someone.  I can't describe how my Spirit was touched by this little conversation.

Once I got home I had a few messages with words of encouragement and support...and as grateful as I was....I felt a little bit selfish.  There are sooooo many people with so much more on their plates than me.

THEN, I remembered a comment that someone (who I don't even know) made a comment on another friends post.  My friend posted "Pray as if everything depended on the Lord, but work as if everything depended on you".  The comment said, "My trick was to remember I am a Child of God and entitled to everything he has."  How did I gloss over that one so easily?

As I lay in bed thinking about that (and intermittently about how did I forget how bad yoga hurts after not doing it for a while), I realized how much truth there was in that.  It's not like I ever doubted, I just didn't give the comment the credit it truly deserved.

We are here to learn to work, play, love, live, learn, laugh, cry, and experience joy, sorrow, anger and ultimately happiness.  When Christ walked the earth, it wasn't peaceful, all of the time.  He had joy when the children gathered around Him, He had sorrow for those who hurt Him.  He had happiness at those who learned at His knee, and anger for those who blasphemed sacred temple grounds with dishonesty.  Hmmmmmm.....

Kind of like me.  I think I have had every single one of those emotions in the past week, month, year...etc.  Then I thought about the Garden of Gethsemane...and realized He had every single one of my emotions, my pain, my sorrow and my suffering, simple because He loved me enough to do so, and He didn't want me to ever be alone.  And if I make the right choices, and remember who is really in charge, I can achieve that perfect happiness that has seemed so elusive this week.

So it was a long night....in an incredibly good way.  My trials are still there this morning, but this morning I have greater understanding.  My priorities are back in place, and I don't think I'm the worst mom in the world (YAY!).

I'm doing everything I can, but this morning my "can" has a little bit more capacity.  I'm so grateful for these gentle reminders of love, compassion and understanding.

I'm a little more humble than yesterday because of the amazing people who surround me and love me and teach me.

Lessons Learned
1-5....Please see above.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

HUMBLE MUCH?

No.

Obviously.

If I were truly humble, I wouldn't STILL be in learning mode.

As you can tell by my lack of posting, and the general bad mood of when I post, I'm still learning.  There is a part of me that is seriously laughing on the inside because I thought after the incredible pace we had to keep in order to get moved, I totally thought everything would slow down once we got here.  Guess what, I was wrong.  Please don't tell my husband, he doesn't know I have the ability to be wrong.

Felix is still travelling a ton, which is a bummer, mostly because I miss him, but also because moving was supposed to prevent that.  Sigh....this week without him has been particularly hard.....

But, alas....the adventure never ends.  On his way to the airport this week, he was rear ended on the freeway.  The Honda Accord he was driving....WOW!  Held up AMAZINGLY!  The Dodge Charger that hit him.....not so much.  Guess we'll be taking that one off of our potential purchase list.

But ya gotta love my husband....when I asked him if he was coming home, you know since he was in a CAR ACCIDENT.....he was like, "Nah, I'm closer to the airport than I am to home, so I guess I'll go."  I'm stubborn, but not that stubborn.  I'm just sayin'.

Now I believe I previously mentioned that Caleb has been having a rough time with school.  Yeah.  He has been throwing up every morning before school.  Yup, it's that bad for him.  This morning....it was chocolate pudding....but that's another story.  I got really, really, really freaked out, and had multiple talks with him before he admitted he was having a bully problem.  It makes me so sad.  He's 6.

So I called the district, who didn't call me back.  Talked to teachers who said everything was fine.  And finally, talked to the principle of the Lutheran private school.  The school comes very highly recommended, and although it will be yet another adventure within our adventure....I am most hopeful about what they can offer.  We meet with them on Friday.

I continue working through things.  I am happy to report that my focus is no longer on me (that was really selfish of me....and I didn't like that), and now rests squarely on the shoulders of my babies.

Lessons Learned
1. I'm grateful for old friends and new, who have had the incredible patience to put up with my crazy.
2. I'm grateful for spiritual inspiration, because when I'm out of steam...I'm still prompted to go in the right direction.
3. Grateful that I am learning to be crafty, it keeps my hands busy so I'm not eating during my stress...(THANKS RACHAEL)!
4. Grateful that my kids are learning to be there for one another.  Although they have taken being BEST FRENEMIES to a WHOLE, NEW LEVEL!
5. Grateful that I can ramble when I write, so I'm not carrying the burden alone.

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