Yesterday....hmmmm....I feel a little bit bad about my post yesterday. I was in a pretty deep, dark funk....not that things are super bright and SHINY this morning, but laying awake all night has brought me a little bit of perspective.
Okay, I didn't just lay awake all night....I cried, I prayed...and I realized. I realized how I was going about this all wrong. I've never had to bear this burden alone....none of us ever do. How grateful I am for a loving Father in Heaven who can teach gently, and soothe the spirit of a worried mommy.
Last night we had a combined activity with the Young Men and Young Women. Human chess. I suck at regular chess...there was NO way I was going to get into human chess. In hindsight, I wouldn't have had as much to think about last night if I had been involved with human chess.
I had one friend who told me about how much she got done when her husband was out of town...because they were so in love they just followed each other around when he WAS in town. AWESOME! I feel like that about Felix, but I don't act on it. I need to show my husband more how awesome I think he is. She gave me a wonderful sense of resolve to make sure my husband and my kiddos know how special they are and too not get caught up in the hype of life.
Then as I was leaving, I had a friend in her car (who always puts the best jokes on FB) that I had to thank for being SO fun and funny. She told me she posted those jokes for a friend who is losing her courageous battle with brain cancer. I was in awe of her before, but now....I gained a little bit of insight into what it meant to be walking as Christ walked and loving as He loved. It may sound like a simple thing....and it is, but what a perfect example of how to just love someone. I can't describe how my Spirit was touched by this little conversation.
Once I got home I had a few messages with words of encouragement and support...and as grateful as I was....I felt a little bit selfish. There are sooooo many people with so much more on their plates than me.
THEN, I remembered a comment that someone (who I don't even know) made a comment on another friends post. My friend posted "Pray as if everything depended on the Lord, but work as if everything depended on you". The comment said, "My trick was to remember I am a Child of God and entitled to everything he has." How did I gloss over that one so easily?
As I lay in bed thinking about that (and intermittently about how did I forget how bad yoga hurts after not doing it for a while), I realized how much truth there was in that. It's not like I ever doubted, I just didn't give the comment the credit it truly deserved.
We are here to learn to work, play, love, live, learn, laugh, cry, and experience joy, sorrow, anger and ultimately happiness. When Christ walked the earth, it wasn't peaceful, all of the time. He had joy when the children gathered around Him, He had sorrow for those who hurt Him. He had happiness at those who learned at His knee, and anger for those who blasphemed sacred temple grounds with dishonesty. Hmmmmmm.....
Kind of like me. I think I have had every single one of those emotions in the past week, month, year...etc. Then I thought about the Garden of Gethsemane...and realized He had every single one of my emotions, my pain, my sorrow and my suffering, simple because He loved me enough to do so, and He didn't want me to ever be alone. And if I make the right choices, and remember who is really in charge, I can achieve that perfect happiness that has seemed so elusive this week.
So it was a long night....in an incredibly good way. My trials are still there this morning, but this morning I have greater understanding. My priorities are back in place, and I don't think I'm the worst mom in the world (YAY!).
I'm doing everything I can, but this morning my "can" has a little bit more capacity. I'm so grateful for these gentle reminders of love, compassion and understanding.
I'm a little more humble than yesterday because of the amazing people who surround me and love me and teach me.
Lessons Learned
1-5....Please see above.
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