Thursday, June 30, 2011

I Am a WICKED SuperMom!!!

So, as previously mentioned, we have been making weekly trips to Lagoon.  I had to negotiate, bargain, beg and plead with the kidlets to  not make me go on Wicked.  I lost.  It was apparently make the mommy face her fears day because they were cruel....they were very, very cruel.

I wanted to go on Wicked right away so I couldn't chicken out....but as usual, it took us a while to get going.  We finally made it to the ride and guess what....Caleb was tall enough to go.  Oh hurl!

Have you ever seen a booster seat made for roller coasters?  Yeah, that is totally on every mothers list of 'WORST NIGHTMARES'.  Savannah, Sara, Kyle, Noah and Caleb accompanied me to my journey of death.  As we were standing in line I told the kids, "Okay, here's the deal....if I cry, throw up, wet my pants or die....NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT."  They agreed.

We got on....why was everyone else so excited?  This is the roller coaster of doom.....especially since I have developed a horrible fear of heights.  If you can't remember why I am afraid of heights, you can look here.  http://heffalumpsnwoozles.blogspot.com/2009/08/12-tank-of-gas-and-intestinal-fortitude.html

So we get in, we get buckled and we go into the tunnel.  Now, I don't know why I thought it started slow, it's a polarized roller coaster, so it has to go fast.  It took off and my gut reaction was to close my eyes.  They never opened.  In hindsight, part of the problem is that I couldn't watch Caleb and he was sitting right next to me.

When it was over, everyone else was giggling.  I was checking myself for vomit and pee.  Nope....all good, I made it.

So of course, because my eyes were closed they are making me go again next week (with my eyes open).  Once we got out of the ride, I realized I hurt from head to toe.  I had pushed myself back into my seat and was holding on to Caleb's harness so tightly (because I was going to save him if he fell out), that all of my muscles were taut and IT HURT.

So we cooled off with a little Colossus (double loops....why am I totally fine with that?  Because it doesn't pause at the top....), and headed back for a snack.

A while later we went across the part on the Sky Ride....yeah, even that is terrifying.  Especially when it stops for those who don't know how to get on/off and you are at the peak of the ride and the freakin' wind starts blowing....it was awful!  I did that 3 times.  I'm so done with the Sky Ride....imagining how many bones would break if the cable happened to snap at various points on the ride, just takes way too much out of me.

And finally....the Ferris Wheel.  Why is it I always get stuck at the top?  Why?  Why?  Why?

Lessons Learned
1. I'm done facing my fears.  I know what they look like now....I don't need to see them again.
2. I really would do anything for my kids.
3. I don't know how I am going to get through Wicked with my eyes open (Caleb went a second time with Savannah and Sara and that was even worse to watch from the ground).
4. As the mommy, I should be able to set limits, right?
5. It's all good...I didn't cry, wet my pants, vomit or pass out...no matter what you've heard!

Monday, June 27, 2011

We're Gonna Die.

Ahhhhhhhhh......what a wacky adventure life has been lately.

After the paint, poop and pool extravaganza, it hasn't seemed to really slow down all that much.  I seem to be trapped in the perpetual cycle of the 'fastest-longest' portion of my life.  I know that sounds really bizarre, but I truly understood what that meant in the three days leading up to Grandma's death.  If you haven't experienced it yet....you will.

My mom and my uncle took some serious time and cleaned out all of Grandma's stuff.  I thought it would help...sadly, it just made me miss her all the more....because now, even more of her is gone.

So.... as we have been traversing this SUPER exciting path to moving (have I mentioned what an extraordinary home-body I am?), I have been working like a mad woman.  Why?  Because I am renting out my house and my OCD won't let me rent it unless I have done EVERY SINGLE project I have ever thought about doing....EVER!  Sigh.

So, I have had a basin sink installed in the laundry....everything that ever considered leaking fixed, the air conditioning fixed and conditioned...etc.  I know....why did I wait to do all of these project?  Because I thought someday or getaroundtoit would never get here.

I have painted the master bedroom, bathroom, every single door in the house (all 28 of them), the laundry room, Savannah's room, Savannah's bathroom and today I took down all of the wall hangings so that I could patch all of the holes and then do touch up painting in EVERY SINGLE ROOM.  Have I mentioned that I'm pretty sure I have a touch of OCD?  And I haven't even ordered the carpet for the room that is too disgusting to rent as is....

In the past week, I found out the New York office forgot to approve our move, discovered Delta needs 30 days to guarantee our pets are on our plane, and that the pets have to be dropped off at 6:30 in the morning.  Oh, but let's not forget the health certificates that are going to cost A FREAKIN' FORTUNE!

And just for kicks, the relocation company has tried to convince Felix that I should drive across the country (by myself) with four kids, four pets in the middle of summer.  My dear, sweet husband told them that he wanted to stay married to me so that is not an option (bless his soul).....


In my spare moments, I have flown to Missouri and signed papers on our new house.  I have found renters (WHO I ADORE) to take care of my house and in between home improvement projects, I have sat in my closet, rolled into the fetal position (or rocked) all while sucking my thumb.  

I have really wanted to blog....but I can't type when my thumb is in my mouth......

Because I am still shooting for mother of the year, I promised my kids the best summer ever....which includes weekly trips to Lagoon.  My OCD gets involved on occasion and I sit in front of the computer rearranging 'projects' so I can make up for lost time spent on roller coasters....  Tomorrow, my children are forcing me to go on Wicked.  We're gonna die.

BUT, last week, when the boys went to the Father/Son camp out, I decided I needed a night off.  So girls' night it was.  I let them pick the restaurant, but I picked the movie.

We mostly enjoyed Olive Garden....after an argument about whether or not we could have dessert when none of us could finish dinner and then STILL get treats at the movie....NOT!  I was paying, so let's paraphrase with I DON'T THINK SO.

After dinner it was off to the movies...Yeah, I picked Super 8.  RIGHT ON!  Number one...I love disaster movies!  Number 2...I heard it was Goonies on steroids!  Number 3...if I could pay to scare the crap out of my kids and make them still need me even for a moment, then it was totally WORTH IT!  Needless to say, I LOVED IT...and the soundtrack (which was amazing) is getting released tomorrow!  WOOHOO.

On our way home, stuck in the maze formerly known as Thanksgiving Point, we (I) decided the freeway was the best route.  Until I turned and realized I was behind a semi getting on the on-ramp at 25 miles per hour.  I just followed (slowly) and without even thinking said, "We're gonna die."  Savannah looked at me and said, "WHAT?  WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" as she frantically looked around the car for something careening at us at break neck speeds....then she realized I had just lost my mind.

So Saturday rolled around and Felix and I were immensely blessed to attend the sealing of two of our favorite people in the whole, wide world at the Mt. Timp Temple.  I had told Felix the story about the on-ramp on our drive to the temple so it was still fresh in my mind as we sat in the sealing room.  I looked around (it probably appeared that I was staring) and realized how much I loved all of the people in the room (even the ones I didn't know...but my heart was bursting with joy at being there, so I really do love them too!) and realized that when 'We're gonna die' actually happened, I was still going to be surrounded my people I really love (even if they did have to take a trip DOWN to see me on occasion!).  

After all of the CRAZY in my life, it was a perfect moment to celebrate the blessing of now....and forever!

LESSONS LEARNED
1. Don't sweat the small stuff....it's all small stuff.  (Hmmmmm.....seems to be a recurring theme in my life)
2. Perspective...it's all a matter of perspective.  In the eternal scheme of things, as long as I have my family and loved ones, that is all that matters.
3. It's going to be extremely difficult to leave here.  But Heavenly Father never closes a door without opening a window....and the window has a beautiful view!
4. I need to accept things I cannot change, instead, I need to change how I view the things I cannot change.
5. It's time to stop wallowing and start showing a little gratitude....where much is given, much is required and a simple thank you is a good first step.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Paint, Poop and Pool

I believe we have already discovered that no day of the week is free from my shenanigans.  There is always something going on and there is usually a fifty, fifty chance that it is going to be filled with chaos!

And I now have proof, that Friday is not exempt from the policy.

With our impending move, I have had to do a lot of work around the house.  You know I am totally cool living in squalor, but if I am going to rent out my house I have to have everything just right or I will feel really, really bad.

My most recent project has been the laundry room.  I have had a utility sink installed, been working on some texturizing, repainting the baseboards to get rid of the very outdated blue.  So I had to do another coat and I left the can of paint on the washing machine.  Now, the lid was on, but not hammered on.  So this is what I woke up to on Friday morning:


Yes, that would be an entire gallon of paint on the floor.  Sorry the picture is blurry, my tears may have had something to do with that.  But alas, I decided to let it dry and see if we could peel it up.  That was the goal anyway.

So we were also lucky to have my cousin and her kids with us for the week.  I'm glad they were there, but it also marked the beginning of  taking down grandma's rooms.  It was very bittersweet.

I walked to Grandma's room with my tear-stained cheeks to grab some papers or something.....whew?  What was that smell?  Oh man....someone left a serious stinker.  I flush, the nastiness rose to meet me.  SERIOUSLY?

I grab the plunger and get to stepping.  Nothing, absolutely nothing.  Great.  I have errands and all sorts of chaos going on that morning.  In between trips to the store and everywhere else, I come home and plunge.  Nothing.  Felix tried.  Jill tried.  Nada.

I get the pipe snake (and a mask) and get to work.  It won't budge.  I had flashbacks of flaming toilets (for reference: http://heffalumpsnwoozles.blogspot.com/2007_11_01_archive.html) and became despondent.  I couldn't go through that again!  So I called a plumber, but he couldn't make it until 5.  Hey, it's Friday and if he's willing, that works for me.

In the meantime we headed to the pool.  We all definitely needed some relaxation.  I got out to take Caleb to the bathroom and then decided to stay out for a few minutes.  Next thing I know, Savannah power walks up to me, complains about the lifeguard that wouldn't let her run and tells me Baylee has a bloody nose and she is bleeding 'ALL OVER THE BATHROOM'.  I power walk to the bathroom and confirm what she said.  Baylee's nose is bleeding so severely the toilet paper rolls are have soaked.

I left her to get first aid help.  They sent first aid in the form of 1 (one) (uno) (un) gauze bandage.  I said she is bleeding ALL OVER THE PLACE.  They said that it would work.  Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

When we got back to the bathroom, the first aid tech said, "Wow she's a bleeder."  Yeah, I told you.  She got set up with her magical, single gauze pad and went and got more supplies.

We managed to get it slowed down, but after a half an hour, she was still bleeding and I said we would finish up at home.  So we had to fill out an incident report....YAY....those are always fun.  Which is right about when Baylee was getting to the passing out point.  We made it to the car and home and discover the bruise on her face from where she was pushed/fell and smacked her nose.


So after a long while more, we got her to stop bleeding, showered and fed....although each bite was a smidge painful for her.

All the while, the plumber was working on the toilet of doom.  He is the best plumbing in the world.  Not only can he handle that manner of funkification (new word....working towards dictionary fame, please start using freely), but after he cleared the toilet, he took it apart to make sure everything was good.  (P.S. Carl Larsen is the greatest....he has done wonders in helping me get the house ready for moving!)



But it's all fixed now, and I go in on occasion just to flush.

At the end of it all, Felix, Jill and I went to Gloria's and yes, I pigged out.  I even got dessert and ATE IT ALL....so there.

Lessons Learned
1. Stop blaming Monday, it can happen any day of the week.
2. Expecting the unexpected doesn't quite seem to cut it in my world....I've got to come up with a new phrase that describes my special kind of wacky.
3. Life goes on, even with paint, funkification and bloody pools.
4. I was really glad when Saturday hit.
5. It's Monday today.....so what.....anything can happen, and it usually does.
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