Friday, September 11, 2009

Have a Nice Trip! See Ya Next Fall!

Before I begin this sordid little tale, a big HIGH FIVE to LORE for inspiration on the title! Thanks for the funny this morning.

Ahhhh, the second Thursday night of the month...YAY Bunko!!! I hadn't really been out since my surgery and was so very excited to have some time giggling with the girls! I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay and have some laughs the whole time, but you would be amazed how much I can fit into a short period of time.

I got to Liz's house and as usual the house was filled with exotic and delicious smells (Liz is a FAB-O cook, chef really). While the final preparations were going on, we chatted in the kitchen waiting for the stragglers and finding out if everyone was going to be able to make it.

People (except for those who were going to be really late) had arrived and the food was ready. After a blessing on the food, it was time to dig in! Curry chicken, yummy sauce, fruit, salad the works! I love bunko...really, it isn't about the game, it's about the food.

Because I am a separatist eater, I like to get my food relatively close to last. Before everyone thinks I am a food bigot, I like to mix my food too, just a little bit at a time. I have a sensitive palate...OKAY? I got a little of everything, neatly organized on my plate and began to head down the stairs to the group.

I made it down the first few stairs...NO PROBLEM. Somewhere in the middle, something went horribly wrong. I felt myself rapidly falling backwards and so like any normal person, I threw everything in the air, grasped for something to hold onto and then enjoyed the ride of my life on my bum.

THUD, THUD, THUD

I remember three hits to the tush, could be more, could be less. I was there, but wasn't planning on counting anything so I didn't.

And then I saw the mess in front of me. Food everywhere. Ice water covering the floor. A red plastic cup...but where the heck was the plate? It really did take me like two whole minute to find the plate. It was behind the chair near the open top lamp. Oooohhhhhh, that reminds me... Note to Liz: Check the lamp for bits of food.

Thank goodness for my friends who were overly concerned about my clumsy self. Thanks for the laughs. And thanks for loving me even though I am a total dork.

Lessons Learned
1. Ow.
2. I am SO grateful for my cushy bum.
3. Friends love you even when you are a dork....a really, really big dork.
4. Laughter (again) is really the best medicine.
5. When going to friends houses that have wood floors, wear gripper socks.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Great Fruit Fly Invasion of 2009

Fruit flies are common, not so common you see them every day. Common enough, that the occasional piece of fruit gone bad (so sad) brings them out and annoy you until you have cleaned the mess and swatted at them until you are so irritated you can scream....and then they are gone.

Last week we asked Savannah to empty the garbage in one of the bathrooms. She had a fit because there were fruit flies around the garbage. World War Three ensued and eventually the Allies (Mom and Dad) won and Savannah took the garbage out of the house screaming that they were following her and somebody open the door.

I decided to go see how bad it was. It wasn't and then I lectured the kids about taking food upstairs and throwing food away in the garbage cans that WERE NOT emptied every day. After my superior lecture on the proper care of garbage, Noah and Baylee both looked at me and said, "Did you look up?" Huh?

I go back up to the bathroom, look up and find like millions, OKAY, hundreds of fruit flies. GROSS. I almost felt bad about Savannah screaming at that point. ALMOST.

So I opened the window, took off the screen and tried to shoo them out. It didn't work. No worries, I'm a fighter. I grabbed my environmentally friendly bottle of Windex made with vinegar and went after the buggers (get it? buggers).

After half a bottle of Windex, nearly an entire roll of paper towels and after 125 captured or killed, I stopped counting.

By that time I was a bit cheeky. In my best accent (of which I have none), I meandered around the bathroom telling the evil doers "Say 'ello to my leetle fren'." I would catch them, squish them and show them to the remaining fruit flies with the understanding that they were next.

Eventually, there were but two left...until I went into the other bathrooms. Savannah and Felix had been doing research at this point and found the best remedy for capturing fruit flies.

Put about a half inch of apple cider vinegar in a cup, cover REALLY TIGHTLY with plastic wrap and poke with small holes. Place the cup where the fruit flies gather and they will crawl through the holes and get trapped. On occasion, the nasty critters will find a way out, but overall there is a 90+% success rate.

AWESOME!!!

Lessons Learned
1. No one is eating upstairs again ever...especially fruit. Fruit is a kitchen only food.
2. The internet really DOES have all the information you could possibly imagine.
3. I think I may have a dark side when it comes to critter killin'.
4. We all have to do things we don't want to, but in this case I WANTED TO.
5. We are down to about 2 in the whole house and they don't have long to live!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I'll Save You!!!

I made a quick run to the grocery store. As usual, I was living in my own happy little world. I made my way to the car pondering the plight of the world. As I got closer to my car, I noticed a particularly still body, yes a body, in the car parked in front of me. Thinking that someone had left a child in the car (and having been in that situation before), I completely flipped out, grabbed my cell phone to call 911, and ran to the car.

Though it was only 15 feet away, I arrived breathless in anticipation of the horrid scene I would see. In a panick, I peered through the window and made eye contact with the glazed eyes of a lifeless mannequin.

Reality is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Wish you were here.

Lessons Learned

1. Being alert is good.
2. Pretending to be alert is bad.
3. I was just trying to help.
4. Thank goodness I didn't dial, but I WOULD HAVE.
5. There is no cure for stupidity.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

It Might Be a Monday If...

It might be a Monday if...

...a friend wants to know who eats the 'bread butts' at your house.

...you find a corn cob holder (with the really long pointy things) in your bed.

...you receive a dissertation on why 1 is NOT plenty.

...you are bombarded with questions about the accuracy of pinpointing meteors and asteroids and their current trajectory towards earth (yes, he is 9).

...there is an argument over whether the earth revolves around a particular person OR the sun.

...you keep finding blown up pool rafts all over the house.

and finally, it might be a Monday if...

...you have to tell the 4 year old to take the underwear off of his head before he says prayer.

Lessons Learned

1. I suppose Monday has its' perks.
2. Still not a fan of Monday.
3. Maybe I need to find compassion for Monday. I mean, if I am this complainy, imagine how Monday feels when EVERYBODY hates it.
4. It is nice to know that humor doesn't pause on Monday.
5. I'm glad it's Tuesday.
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