I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the Map...No You're the Map.

Okay, so this morning, Caleb and I were riveted by an episode of Dora the Explorer. The show had been on for a couple of minutes when we got to the ever important Map Song (I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'M THE MAP). Then the question. It happens every time, but it never ceases to cause those little butterflies of excitement.

"Do you know how to get to.....?"

And Caleb, because he knows the people inside the TV can hear him says, "Ummmm, you're the map."

Lessons Learned
1. Sometimes things are even obvious for a 4 year old.

2. Why put forth effort where none is required...he knew that Map would tell him how to get there.

3. I never knew Dora the Explorer was so hysterically funny.

4. Laughing feels good.

5. I will never look at a map the same way again.

Schools Out for Summer....Let the Games Begin

Now that school is out for the summer, we can get the Morgan Version of the summer Olympics under way.

This summers incredible events include:

Long Distance Whining: the contestant works to achieve the longest time for whining over a single situation. Situations can include, but are not limited to whining over meals, playing with friends before chores, not wanting to do chores, being bored and looking for an entertainer, etc. Whatever the contestant is able to whine about for the longest amount of time.

Endurance Procrastination: the contestant is in a battle with him or herself to see how long they can put doing anything off until they absolutely have to in order to play. The winner will be able to do nothing, then accomplish all required tasks in record time to meet friends.

Ultimate Couch Potato-ing: the contestant that leaves the most resilient body imprint in the couch will walk away with the gold. Body imprint cannot be vacuumed out in a single try, or the contestant is automatically disqualified.

Boredom for the Alternative Thinker: the contestant that comes up with the most inventive idea for when the mom says, "You're bored? Oh, I'll give you something to do." If they are able to keep the mom from giving them a chore and entertain the most amount of people, the contestant will walk away with the prize.

Heavyweight Bickering: the prize will go to the contestant that is able to pick a fight over the most mundance of issues and keep the argument going longer than anyone else. The trick in this battle is to keep the fight going, yet end it as soon as the mommy walks into the room.

The Contendahs...........LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE................

Savannah: Age 11, going on 12, already mastering the art of hormone Aytch Eeeee Double Hockey Sticks. Able to blame others with less than a moments notice and point out others failings, while pointing out her strengths.

Noah: Age 9. Able to annoy in a single breath, actually he can do it without saying anything. Can put his sisters in a frenzy by walking into a room and sitting down. This is one to watch for Couch Potato-ing as well as Heavyweight Bickering.

Baylee: Age 7, going on 8 (I am required to tell you this because she will get mad if I don't). Not willing to back down from anything and in her relentless quest of household supremacy, won't let anything or anyone stand in her way.

Caleb: Age 4. Doesn't have to work to be the king, he believes he already is. Willing to tell anyone (regardless of size) to "bring it on" and not back down. Rather than have a verbal argument, will bite to make a point.

Stay tuned for results at the end of summer for champions.

Lessons Learned

1. Kids, I hope you have a sense of humor...because this is really in good fun.
2. If not, please don't read this.
3. What summer is like from the mommy's perspective.
4. There will be good parts too...I just know there will. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can run and hide if I am wrong on this one.
5. Let the adventure begin.

Yuckety Yuck Yuck Yuck

Okay, short, simple and to the point. I love movies. I hate shopping...that includes movie shopping. I tend to know what I want and prefer to not peruse. My husband, however, is a fabulous peruser. He does it with grace, style and as if he has all the time in the world. Which when you down a giant bottle of water before you get into the car to run errands...not a good mix. Kind of like laxatives and sedatives...no personal experience by the way.

So I ask the manager of the so far nameless movie rental establishment to unlock the bathroom for me (how sad that the bathrooms have to be locked) and I go in...desperate, very, very desperate.

Other than there being no toilet paper and a nasty ring around the toilet, it wasn't so bad. The floor is clean, because that is the most important part of the bathroom...the floor. I 'use' the facilities and go to the sink to wash my hands and find I cannot. Why, may you ask...because there was poop in the sink. Yes, you read me correctly...poop in the sink. Apparently the ring around the bowl was too much for someone so they made alternate arrangements. However, they didn't realize that it was one of the drainy things with a bunch of holes in it...no place for the poop to go. NASTY.

So I used Purell instead. Yes, I am that kind of prepared girl.

Lessons Learned
1. Don't use the restrooms at unnamed movie rental establishments (Hollywood Video in American Fork).
2. Don't drink a lot of water before running errands.
3. If the bathroom has to be unlocked before you go in...wait.
4. I am officially off of the perusing list. Permanently.
5. Between the warm spots in the Ool and the poop in the sink at the movie rental place, I beginning to think that my life is in the toilet...I've had enough hints.

Random Thought of the Day

If there is no 'P' in Pool, why isn't it called an Ool?

Thoughts Provoked
1. Just went swimmin'.
2. Found some warm spots.
3. Saw some toddlers without swim diapers.
4. Got out of the pool when I saw toddlers without swim diapers.
5. Got hit by a used band-aid getting out of the Ool...YUCK.

Random Thought of the Day

I apparently have a bunch going on in my head today...I never thought that it was possible, who knew?

So here goes the random thought (it's been a while, I hope I get it right):

If you have so many random thoughts floating around in your head, do they eventually merge into one big, ginormous random thought that becomes meaningless because it doesn't make sense?

Thoughts Provoked
1. Oy vey...it's worse than I thought.
2. Do you think if it gets too big, it explodes?
3. Do you think it would hurt if it exploded?
4. If your head is empty when it explodes, does it matter since there isn't anything there to get hurt?
5. I think my thoughts provoked might qualify as random thoughts all by themselves...yikes.

Life Lessons

I received this in an email and thought it was WAY to good to try and forward to everyone, so I thought I would use this much more public forum and try to remind everyone about how good things really are.

******************************************************************
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.
************************************************************

So thanks to my friends, family and every one for making this world a happier, more comfortable place for me in the midst of the never ending chaos.

Lessons Learned
1. Sometimes the most obvious lessons sound so much better coming from someone else.
2. Wisdom, not knowledge, is what we gain from trials.
3. Life is what you make of it, good, bad or ugly (you know, kind of like shoes).
4. It's never too late to take charge of your own life.
5. Life is beyond good, it's great.

Walk A Mile In My Shoes...Wouldya?

Okay...the purpose of this little tale is not pity. It is simply to make others appreciate the world that they live in, more appropriately, their shoes.

Two Saturdays ago, it was the usual hectic, crazy, unassuming, nightmarish sort of day. I had to tackle the Mount Himalaya of laundry (with Leiderhosen even) as well as take care of all of the crazy things that didn't get done during the week.

So as I was loading the next pile of laundry, I smelled something. I think it probably qualifies in the whole, "She who smelt it, dealt it." Only it wasn't a fart. A fart would have been preferable. I was burning my lunch. So I quickly finished putting the laundry in and ran into the kitchen.

Now, like every one else, I really do adore my split level home. Especially those three little steps from my family room to my kitchen. As I ran to save my biblical lunch (burnt offerings people, pay attention), my flip flop caught the stair nose and I fell UP the stairs into the kitchen. Yes, I said I fell up the stairs. Look, I know you are jealous, but we have all been given special talents and that just happens to be mine. Okay.

While I writhed around on the floor for a while smelling my lunch moving further down the path of carbon, I eventually heaved my aching body up, turned the oven off and cried. Then I limped upstairs and cried. Then I took drugs and I stopped crying. It was just Advil...I'm not that hard-core.

So on Monday, my kneecap was still numb. So I though maybe I should go to the doctor. On Tuesday I explained my gift of acrobatics in the up direction and after the doctor was done laughing he checked my knee and said we better do x-rays to make sure you didn't fracture your kneecap. Riiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhttttt.

After the x-rays, as I was watching my insane 4 year old bounce off the walls, the doctor came in and said, "Good News, you're not broken. Well, not in that sense." Apparently I strained my patellar tendon, causing a pool of blood under the kneecap and damaged the nerves in my knee so badly that I killed them. So in 2 to 6 months, I should be able to feel my knee again.

Here's the upside. I can't feel my tendon because my nerves are dead. COOL.

Lessons Learned
1. Walk slowly.
2. Don't wear flip-flops while running up the stairs.
3. I believe I have begun to accept my calling in life to make everyone else feel better...How'm I doin'?
4. This has to be one of the funniest things that has happened in a long time. I fell UP the stairs....that is worthy of a good chuckle.
5. So, do you want to be me yet?