Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013 A Year in Review Brought to You by the Letter H

Yes, I know....world's worst blogger.  I fully accept responsibility for that.  But it doesn't mean I'm done trying....so here is my year in review....proudly brought to by the letter H.

We spend WAAAAAYYYYYY more time in hospitals than we like to, but hey, we embrace the suck.  We have had wheelchair fun, fun with anaphylaxis (by the way...we REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like breathing) and ALL manner of fun with insurance.  By way of a public service announcement, if you need a little help fighting with the insurance giants....I'm your gal.

We have learned to stomach hospital food, which isn't all bad if you know what to stay away from.  We have also learned how to time appointments in order to avoid traffic, still make carpool and still eat without having to eat out every freaking meal.

We've learned to accept hospitals for what they are....a place of healing....and while we completely understand that in our situation "healing" is in the eye of the beholder, we know it is for our good (and I use "WE" loosely....because Baylee has to do the heavy lifting, the rest of us are support staff).  Although as 2013 comes to a close, Baylee is having to share the medical mantle as our medical adventures appear to be spreading and 2014 is looking to provide us with plenty of adventure to go around!

House Packing
Once we found out that we got to move back to Utah, I was kind of in high gear, I was in over drive.  It was all I could do to keep from being ready to go months ahead of time.....but I still did as much as humanly possible.....

House Unpacking
And 6+ months after making it back to Utah....I'm still not completely unpacked....leave me alone.  I have to clean out my shed and that's not happening until spring.  And I have to build shelves, and that's not happening until spring either.

It's been an incredibly humbling year.  We've endured many trials (but seriously, who hasn't?)!  And time and time again, Heavenly Father has answered many pleading prayers.  We haven't always understood why things were happening, but we learned that WHY doesn't change the circumstances (so even I stopped asking....eventually).  Most importantly, we learned that when we stopped fighting everyone and everything (ESPECIALLY Heavenly Father) and trusted in Him and His plan, it would all work out.....AND IT DOES.  Does it work out perfectly?  Not to my imperfect eyes....but to His perfect eyes, I'm sure it does and it is.  And I trust Him.  He has loved us, supported us and given us light in the darkest times, He has never abandoned us, and I will not abandon Him.  God's capacity for love is so much greater than my own, especially knowing my imperfections, pride (I could go on and on, but really, I won't), but it has been one of the most humbling experiences of my life to witness God's tender mercies this past year.  And as undeserving as I am, I am so grateful.

So, blah, blah....trials, trials, yada, yada.....just when we think we are over some things that happened in our past, something always pops up that makes us hurt all over again.  But you know....it's part of the process, so it's okay.  We have discovered that we are all on different time tables....unbeknowst to me (because I thought we were all supposed to get over things at EXACTLY THE SAME TIME), and that we can't hurry each other along in our processes.  That, in and of itself, has been quite a learning process.  I have faced quite a bit of backlash for my "Hurry along dear, the rest of us would like to be done now, so you have to be done now too."  Hearts and spirits are a funny thing when it comes to healing.

Our experience with healing has given me a profound understanding (that I'm sure is just a sliver of what I need to know) of the Atonement.  How grateful I am for my Savior, for so many reasons.  But in regards to healing, the Atonement allows each one of us to heal in a manner best for us, with our Savior by our side teaching, consoling, and guiding us back home to our Father in Heaven.

While healing can be painful, it is a truly beautiful experience as we come to understand the freedom the Savior offers us through this gift.

I'm so ready for this year to be over.  It has been an adventure to be sure.  There really can be no doubt.  And I am ready to leave it all behind and start fresh.

With all of the lessons I have learned from 2013, I know that I am a different person.  I'm ready to take whatever 2014 hands me....because I know that whatever it is, I'm not alone in facing it.

Lessons Learned
1.  Did you not read the blog?  This whole thing was a lessons learned.....
2.  See above.
3.  See number 2.
4.  See number 3.
5.  See number 4.

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