The 'Official' Bane of My Existance

Okay...it is absolutely official. I have found the Bane of My Existance (doesn't it seem so much more official in Capital Letters?).

On occasion I will go through previous posts (to really appreciate where I am right now)...and I have picked up on a common thread...Any Guesses? Come on, it really is pretty obvious. Plumbing and Water. DDUUUUUUUHHHHHHH.

Which brings me to todays' post. Yesterday, we decided to be completely super industrious. So we embarked on our adventure in cleaning the garage. Now that we had the shed and a place to put everything, maybe we should actually put it there.

So we get everything moved out and realized EEWWWWWWW GROSS. We moved the carpet that was by the entrance to the house and found like an inch of dirt underneath. At this point, we realized sweeping was NOT enough. All that sweeping would do is move the dust around and as soon as we turned our backs, it would settle.

As we were in such an incredible worker bee type mood, we decided to hook a hose up to the spigot in the garage...we should really thank the original owners of the house for all of the wonderful ideas they had when building the house. As usual, we had to take it one step further...we put Dawn on the garage floor so we could scrub up all of the grease and gross that was EVERYWHERE.

We go to put the hose on, and realize the little turny handle thing is gone. I am fairly certain that is disappeared right after we moved in 10 years ago and Savannah had a ball turning the water on and off. Hence, the disappearing little turny handle thing.

But, that's OK. Why? Because we have tools. Lots and lots of tools. So we find an awesome little teeny, tiny wrench that fits the little deely bobber perfectly. And we turn the hose on. GREAT...until I get drenched because somebody didn't tighten the hose to the spigot. And then we turn it off. And then we tighten it. And then we turn it on and BEGIN. We get out the brooms and methodically scrub and scrub and scrub the garage floor.

A good, solid hour later we are done. And we go to turn the water off. I said, We go to turn the water off. Ahem, excuse me...WE GO TO TURN THE WATER OFF. And it almost does, but not all the way...Naturally. So we figure, let's just replace the spigot, no big deal. I run down to the hardware store to buy a faucet while Felix is turning the water off to the house. We have no idea what size the pipe is, so we buy one of every size. I go home and we slowly unscrew the spigot and take it out of the wall...and take it out of the wall...and take it out of the wall. It was like 9 inches long...hello...what the hud is that thing. So I grab it, run back to the hardware store, find the dude that helped me before, hold up the part and say one very descriptive word, "Help."

Okay, he starts to laugh at me. So what else is new...people laughing at me has truly become an embedded part of my personality. So he says to me, that is a FREEZE PROOF spigot. At this point, I give. I explain I no longer care what anything is and please, may I just have a cap to plug up the line. I buy it and fly home (I'm pretty sure it was on my broomstick).

Once home I decide I am the Martha Stewart of plumbing and without waiting for anyone, I grab my handy plumbers tape and wrap the plug, cut a hole in the wall and put it in. I have no more time and patience. Felix turns the water on, and it is dripping....at about the same rate as the fragile pieces of my ego, delicately hitting the floor.

We turn the water off, take the plug off and put more tape on it. Put it on turn the water on and watch it continue to drip into the recesses of my homes innards...You may be asking, what do we do now? We didn't know either...we just watched it. We were waiting for the epiphany to come. It didn't.

So rather than watch the event that would cause toxic mold to over take my house, we decided to save a whole bunch of time and call a plumber.

I love the Yellow Pages. I love that the Yellow Pages has groupings by whether or not they offer 24 hour service. I begin calling. 1st call-Voicemail. 2nd call-Voicemail. 3rd call-Voicemail. 4th call-Roto Rooter and they can be here in 1 to 2 hours. Great, I knew I would only be able to get in touch with the most expensive plumber in the phone book.

Felix goes to buy a new Freeze Proof spigot, because now that we have gone through so much trouble we better be getting something long term out of the deal. Whatever...works for me. I get to stay home and wait for Roto Rooter. And what better to do that watch the water drip. FUN FOR ME. It is really like watching water boil (and as a side note, I have done that too).

Felix gets home with lunch and a faucet. We eat and we wait. Finally they show up. I am absolutely no longer in the mood to deal with anything, so I hide up in my room. Felix gets to over see the fun. He only here about 5 minutes when Felix comes up to tell me that the plumber dropped our wrench in the wall. Bummer. We no longer have a complete set of wrenches...that is going to do wonders for my OCD.

5 minutes after that, he is done. Great...nothing like being told your an idiot in less that a quarter of an hour. After he leaves, Felix says the guy said we did it all right except for the plumbers tape. Plumbers tape should not be used on 1/2 inch pipe....and it is iffy on 3/4 inch. And I know that why? Because that is why my pipe was leaking. He said we did it all right, but we had to use this special plumbing goo stuff that would expand and seal the pipe. And it only cost me $160 (we got a screaming deal...he took off 5 bucks for the wrench...lucky me).

So we now have a spigot in the garage with a handle, hidden by the water softener salt tank thing...my world is complete.

Lessons Learned
1. I am STILL NOT A PLUMBER.
2. I think it is still just money.
3. I did save LARGE amounts of stress by calling a plumber early.
4. Before I do another house project, I should really be a plumbers apprentice.
5. At least I am never bored.