So I'm Not Job.....What Now?????

As I have traversed this wacky little path that has become my life, I have tried to live by the mantra, "I'm trying to be Job and NOT Jonah."

For those of you who don't know who these fine gentlemen are, Job is one of my heroes.  He so awesome, Satan had to get permission from God before smiting him.  Satan gave him every plague imaginable (including boils he had to lance, scrape and burn himself) and yet, after each trial, he gave thanks to God that he was still here.  Jonah on the other hand, was given a mission from God, and instead of doing what he was told the first time, he went the opposite direction, had to get scooped up by a whale and turned in the proper direction.  He DID do what he was told...but it took a little more prodding to get him there.

Well....I think it has gotten pretty obvious that I am SO not Job.  I honestly and truly hit the 'proverbial' wall last week.  I don't think I can take much more.

So, without giving too much information, I need to figure out what to do about it.  And yes, suggestions are welcome.

So far here is the plan of action:

1. Stop shutting myself in my little bubble.  My bubble is a little bit bigger than a personal space bubble.  It pretty much encompasses my house, but I still cringe when people try to pop it and come in.  I am working on an open door policy, which is absolutely frightening for me because it just makes me think about what I am going to be missing after we move.

2. Say thank you more.  To Heavenly Father, to my friends to my children.  That really is a more Job-ish thing to do, and it something I think I have been lacking in lately.  It's hard to be grateful when you aren't getting what you want....but, then again life isn't about what you want...it's really about what you NEED!

3. Stop stuffing my face.  Or, at the very least, if I am going to stuff my face try and throw a few more vegetables in the mix.  My best friend told me that even she could tell I was SO done, there was no point sticking a fork in me.  I told her at this point, I would even eat the fork if anyone came near me with it.  To simplify, eating forks is bad (plastic or metal)....

4. Take something off of my plate.  I don't know what yet.  But something has to go.  I even tried to quit one of my jobs yesterday, but they said I could work at home just as easily from Missouri, so they said I couldn't quit.  Have I told you how much I love Alpine Innovations lately?  But this was an awesome jump start for #2 because I think I said thank you about a kabillion times.  But back to number 4.  I may have to actually start accepting help, even if it does tarnish my super tough 'Wonder Woman' exterior....my Jell-O interior will be better off for it.

5. Breathe.  Yeah, you hear people say all of the time, I forgot to breathe.  Well, I need to apologize for all of the times I made fun of people for saying that, because I really did forget to breathe the other day.  It was a little scary, and then I had to question why I wasn't one of those people that forgets to eat, because I could really roll with that right about now.

One thing at a time right now.  God is in the details, because I'm certainly not.  He can handle things, even my tears, lame jokes and ranting.  He is much more appreciative of my smiling and laughter, but thank goodness He accepts my total package.

So even though I am NOT Job, and I'm probably a little bit more Jonah, today I am going to be grateful that Heavenly Father loves me for me....I don't have to be anyone else.

Lessons Learned
1.  I tend to wind myself up without preparing a way to wind down....that falls in the breathing part....if I breathe, it will all be okay.
2.  As terrified as I am by life right now, it's all going to be okay.  I was promised it would be.
3.  It's kind of sad my kids are rolling with things so much better than I am....but thank goodness they can be strong for me when I need them to.  I think it will be time for their nervous breakdowns next week.
4.  As much as I want to believe chocolate cures everything, sadly, it really doesn't.  If you don't believe me, ask my thighs.
5. I have yet to decide if I want the next three months to go fast or slow......I guess it isn't my decision to make.