On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a partridge in a pear tree.
--Ummmm, what is a partridge and what the hud is it doing in my tree?
On the second day of Christmas my true love game to me two turtle doves and a patridge in a pear tree.
--Great, it's that wretched partridge again and now doves? That's it, I'm calling animal control.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
--What the hud is up with the flipping birds? Who's going to clean up all of the poop?
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a patridge in a pear tree.
--Are they remaking Hitchcocks birds or something? HELP ME.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 5 golden rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
--That's right we are in Utah, so 5 golden rings is perfectly acceptable. At least there will be help to build the aviary.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
--Great, now it's not only bird poop, but eggs too. GRAND.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
--I don't have a pool, why the heck are they here? Where's my gun? Swans aren't a protected species are they?
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
--Milking what? We only have stupid birds.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
--Has anyone told them that they are dancing on bird poop and eggs yet?
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 10 lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
--Okay, the lords a leaping got the memo...at least they are trying to avoid the bird poop.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me 11 pipers piping, 10 lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
--Great, the plumbers are here. What do they think they are going to accomplish, birds don't use toilets.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 lords a leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a milking, 7 swans a swimming, 6 geese a laying, 5 golden rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
--Well, with any luck at all they will drum everyone out of here so I can clean up the poop.
MERRY CHRISTMAS (and avoid all of the poop).
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