Taco Night

So this is one of my gross posts.  Admit it, you like it....kind of like the grosser than gross jokes.  Yeah, you've heard 'em...don't deny it.

So Tuesday night we had tacos for dinner.  It had been a long day (so what else is new), and I needed something simple and fast.  In my rush to prepare my gourmet feast, I overseasoned...just a smidge.  I have a very sensitive tongue and the slightest over seasoning will be felt for hours.

We had dinner, made it through the rest of the night.  Kids in bed, mommy in bed, ambien in the mommy, it was all set to be a good night.

About 2 in the morning I woke up to the horrific taste of vomit in my mouth, coughing and sputtering and seemingly unable to breathe.   After I heimliched myself (not really, just throwing myself upright seemed to do the trick), I was able to get enough air to start coughing, choking and waking my husband who wanted to know if he had to drive me to the hospital.  Since the answer was no, he dozed back off.  That's okay....I couldn't believe I managed to throw up and inhale it in one incredibly smooooooooooth move.

I ended up coughing taco meat out of my lung for a couple of solid hours, then pretty much most of the next day.  At the urging of my husband, I made a doctor appointment to make sure there wasn't any offending meat left inside my super important oxygen supplier.

After a series of x-rays this morning, I was given the all clear.  Kind of.  I am on pneumonia watch because of breathing a foreign substance into my lung  (that is what happens when you aspirate [as-per-ate: fancy word for DOH]).

However, as the doctor managed to choke out, through his bursts of laughter, my chest is probably going to hurt for quite some time thanks to the taco seasoning.

Lessons Learned
1. Taco seasoning is PAINFUL.
2. Ambien does have down side.
3. It's a gift.  I truly have a gift for the unusual.
4. Noah wanted to know if I was going to grow tacos in my lung (thanks to that guy that inhaled a green bean, pea or whatever that decided to sprout in his lung)
5. It couldn't be chicken noodle soup night, could it?  OH NO, it HAD to be taco night.  Really.

When Mixers Attack

Some people, okay I'll admit it....mostly girls, talk with their hands.  I am a HUGE hand talker and my girls have absolutely followed suit.

Baylee had a cute little friend over the other day and I thought they could make cookies.  In order to avoid the mess I would absolutely have to clean up, I gave them a mix to use instead of having them start from scratch.  They read the instructions, got everything in the bowl and then I hear...."Mom, I don't get it.  I need your help."  Really?

So I trudge into the kitchen....kind of dejected like because I am trying not to make cookies.  As Baylee is asking me her question, she has the hand mixer in one hand and is gesturing wildly with the other.

Halfway through her sentence, she accidentally turns the mixer on.  It grabs the side of her hand and works its way through her wrist and halfway up her forearm before she can turn it off. 

She looks at me.

I look at her.

She screams.

I laugh.

I try to remove it, but it is stuck fast.  At which point, she panics and hits the pulse button, and the mixer moves even further up her arm.  She screams louder, then I start to panic.

With my killer mama bear instincts, and my incredibly strong physique, I grab the beaters and pull them off of her arm, rescuing her from the bite of the wild mixer.  I wrestled the beaters to the sink where I disposed of them, and drown them (it had to be done...they had blood on them....ewwwwwww).  No longer will anyone in my home have to fear an unprovoked attack from that household kitchen appliance.

We patched Baylee up and sent her on her way.  Slightly scraped, bruised and beaten (get it?  beaten.), she is well on her way to recovery, having learned don't mess with the mixer.

Lessons Learned
1. DON'T TALK WITH YOUR HANDS WHILE COOKING
2. Don't laugh when mixers attack.
3. Mama bear instincts work for this kind of thing too.
4. She's still mad at me for laughing.
5. I really loved that mixer....I wonder why it went on the rampage?

Learning to Dance in the Rain

 This may be a little sappy...sorry up front.

Life the past few months has been a little stressful.  No, I won't be going into detail because I still don't have definitive answers....just more questions.  So there is really no point in discussing that which is floating about.

Anyhoo, needless to say, I have been more than stressed and so has the fam.  One of my favorite quotes is:

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,

but about learning to dance in the rain.

Yesterday, we had a wonderful summer storm.  And most importantly, with no lightening, which meant we could all play in the rain.  The kids, except for Noah, all enjoyed the umbrellas and trying to dart through the pelting rain drops while I sat on the porch taking pictures. 

While I was sitting there, I had one of my famous moments of reflection that resulted in a personal epiphany.  Yeah, it was an AH-HA moment.  I was watching the kids and smiling, like most parents do, when I had to ask myself, when was the last time I got off of the sidelines and jumped in and laughed? 

So after the kids used the basketball hoop to block the gutter and create a pond, I jumped in.  Literally.  And we laughed, and we played, and we jumped in puddles.  I had one neighbor yelling out the window about what a nut I was (DUH) and another on her porch asking me if I had been stressed much...Ummmm, yeah.  And while I laughed with my neighbors and at my soaking wet children I decided, there are a lot worse things than running in the rain, jumping in the puddles or being soaking wet for the entire world to see.

So we stayed out and played for about an hour, kicking water at each other, catching raindrops in our mouths and giggling to our hearts content.  Not only did we play, we danced, enjoyed and just let our hearts soar.

It's so easy to turn a blind eye to the miracles that surround us every day.  Especially, when you are wrapped up in a stressful situation.  But when you open your eyes, and your heart, you realize, God hasn't forgotten you, He's been sending the blessings, it's more likely you haven't been watching for them.

Yesterdays rain storm was my miracle.

Lessons Learned

1.  Laughter cleanses the soul.

2. Watching children be happy...well sometimes there are no words.

3. Being a part of what makes your children happy...there are definitely no words.

4. Being surrounded by darkness, only makes the light that much more sweet.

5. Size doesn't matter when it comes to miracles.

Quote of the Day

Caleb - "Mom, mom, go get me something to eat."
Mom - "Why?  Are you hungry?"
Caleb - "No, but my subconscious is.  Kind of like the ghost of my former self needs something to eat."

Lessons Learned
1. When I was 5, the correct answer was "Yes, I am hungry."
2. Maybe I should talk with my children with a little bit less of a vocabulary.
3. It really was just a simple question.
4. Did my 5 year old really say 'subconscious'?
5. Oy.

OH NO....HO'S ARE EVERYWHERE

Sometimes a conversation can go horribly wrong.  See if you can tell when it happened.

Savannah:  Mom I love this 'artist' (to remain nameless), isn't he awesome.
Mom: I don't think so.
Savannah: Why not?
Mom: Because he's a wifebeater and he does drugs and he's been in rehab several times and I don't look up to him.
Savannah: Oh.
Mom: Any questions.
Savannah: No.
Mom: Look I'm not going to be one of those moms that tries to be careful about what I try and teach you.  Smoking is wrong, drinking is wrong, sleeping around is wrong.
Noah: Hey that sounds like me...I already sleep around.
Mom: No Noah, not what I meant.  I don't mean sleep around the couch, I mean sleep ARRROOOUUUUNNNDD.
Noah: But I sleep ARRROOOOUUUUUNNDD.
Mom: No Noah, I mean having sex with a whole bunch of people and acting like a ho.
Noah: What's a Ho?
Savannah: That's mom's favorite word.
Noah: Is that why Santa says HO HO HO?
Mom: No Noah, it isn't.
Noah: Can I call people that bug me HO's?
Mom: NO
Caleb: Grandma's a HO.
Mom: Caleb we don't say that.
Caleb: Baylee's a HO.
Noah: HO HO HO
Caleb: Everbody's a HO.
Mom: Nobody is a HO.  I don't know when it happened.  But this conversation took a terrible turn for the worse.

Lessons Learned
1. Those conversations need to be planned a smidge in advance.
2. If you happened to get called a HO from one of my kids, I apologize.
3. FYI Grandma is NOT a HO.
4. Nobody is a HO....except maybe for people who act that way...and there weren't any in the car or any that we are related to.
5. Christmas will never be the same.

Crazy, Stranger, Oriental Porn Linking Weirdos

So, we have reached a new pinnacle in the blogsphere.  I have gotten so many comments from crazy, stranger, oriental porn linking weirdos that I have been forced into comment moderation.

I am a huge believer in the First Amendment, having a dialogue and telling it how it is.  But...this is a family friendly blog and your crazy, porn links don't have anything to do with what I'm talking about.  Which brings up another point.  Since this blog is all about me, and since I'm not into porn...we are going to say bye-bye.

Please continue to comment, cuz I think you people are fun...when you comment about the blog and things that are actually related to me.

Lessons Learned
1. I can't control everything....YES I CAN.
2. Crazy, stranger, oriental porn linking weirdos....you suck.
3. Oh and those mentioned in number 2...thanks for making my life just that much more difficult.
4. That's okay....I'm a pain in the neck and I am going to make your life a little more difficult too by giving you one less blog to hijack.
5. So there.

I LOVE YOU....I'LL DANCE WITH YOU

As mentioned previously we went to the Kansas, Foreigner, Styx concert.  We took with us Savannah, Noah, Baylee and Sara (Sara officially belongs to another family, but I claim her as my own).

Each child had their own little experience that made the show stand out for them, so I thought I would share the love.  The best part though, was introducing our children to reality with us watching.  Yes, people do drink.  Yes, people do smoke.  Yes, people do things that we don't.  And it is okay, because they can choose...and more importantly, we don't judge.  That said, it was an eye opener for everyone.

Baylee:  Baylee couldn't wait for Foreigner to come on because she wanted to hear Juicebox hero.  After we explained it was Jukebox hero, she was a bit disappointment, but made it up to herself by making up words to Jukebox hero as if it were really Juicebox hero...that kids has got some creativity in her bones.

Noah: Poor Noah.  He was actually okay with the drinking part until the older women started rocking out and shaking their tushies in his sweet little 10 year old face.  So he moved.  Okay, before he moved, he leaned over and sat as close to Savannah as she would allow, then he moved.  So he was sitting on the grass side obsessing about somebody starting a fire because they didn't step on their cigarette butts when they through them in the grass.  Poor kid...got my OCD.

Savannah and Sara:  I have to combine them because it really is all part of the same story.  During Foreigners "I Wanna Know What Love Is", Savannah and Sara were being true to their age, dancing with another and having a marvelous time about it.  As they slow danced with one another, they were kind of blocking the aisle...if you can call it an aisle...we were general admission sitting in the grass.  So I kindly asked them to break up the love fest and let people through.  As the couple that had been waiting walked through, while the girls were giggling about dancing with one another we were chuckling about what a good time we were all having.  Then out of nowhere, the lady comes back (with her 24 oz beer can in hand...and I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it wasn't her first of the night.), and hugs Savannah from behind, so her beer can was in Savannah's face and she says, "I love you...I'll dance with you."  Sara deftly stepped away while Felix and I dissolved into a fit of laughter.  My good girl used her manners and didn't throw the woman off of her.  When the lady was done dancing with Savannah she went back to her seat.  Savannah looked as us and was like, "WHAT?"  Okay, we thought it was hysterical for many reasons.  Sara knew Savannah could handle it, so she let her.  Felix and I let Savannah handle it.  Noah and Baylee are still shocked there was a beer can in her face.  But the punch line comes later when during Styx's performance...they came back.  This time the guy grabs Sara's arm and says, "I won't let her dance with you anymore."  Ummmm, dude....wrong girl.

Lessons Learned
1. Sheltered children NEED a little exposure.
2. If you can get beer in a 24 oz can, why can't I get a Caffeine free Diet Coke in anything bigger than a 20 oz bottle or go to the fountain?  What's up with that?
3. Kansas, Foreigner and Styx think very, very highly of their merchandise.
4. The kids survived...barely...it took Noah's asthma a week to recover from the smoke...poor kid.
5.  I'd take them again....it's good to see the other side and learn that everyone has a choice.