Return of the Children of the Corn

Ahhhhh....this years visit to the corn maze was bittersweet. We had so much fun last you in Colorado with the fam (and superly awesome extended fam), that even though we had a blast we felt like something was missing. But we went anyways.

We rounded up all of the chicklets and let Caleb invite a friend. The older kids get to have friends come with us to various activities all of the time, but as the caboose, Caleb usually gets the shaft. So we decided that he could invite Megan...his most favorite person in the whole wide world.

We got there, it was packed thanks to Fall Break, but we managed to find a decent parking place and get everyone in and going. The very first thing we did was head to the ginormous inflatable dinosaur that had the awesome sound of a heartbeat coming out of it. It was a dinosaur, how cool. So we lined up, held hands, and headed into the dark abyss of the dinosaurs mouth.

We passed the uvula (which by the way, means it is a girl dinosaur and if you don't know what I am talking about you need to watch Monster House, nuff said), and went down the throat...I've always wanted to really jump down someones throat...it just happened to be an inflatable dinosaur at a corn maze. We made it to the heart, with the very exciting red flashing lights and heart sounds...and the kids were all flipping out.

Our little group of seven passed the heart and made it to what I assume was the stomach, were you got sprayed with 'stomach juices' (try and use my imagination for a minute, OKAY?) and there was the sound of pht-pht-pht-pht-pht-pht...kinda like a machine gun. Noah literally pulled hims arms out of his jacket as a reflex. Caleb jumped a foot in the air. Megan started crying. Baylee was walking around in circles. And Savannah found the emergency exit, held the flap up to let in the light and was yelling, "Go! Go! Go!" Okay that isn't really what she said, but it sounded a lot better than, "Come on, we are getting out of here...the kids are crying." So Felix and I did what any responsible parent would do, we sent everyone out with Savannah and he and I finished.

The best part was when we tripped over the wet pants that had been abandoned and then we were 'pooped' out somewhere near the tail. We loved that the kids really only had about 10 seconds left until the end, but we did feel bad Megan cried. Oh, we also think our kids are chickens and they need to toughen up a bit. Can you tell I loved the dinosaur and watching my kids get freaked?

Then we went on the tractor, wagon ride thingamabob and then let the kids go on the cow tractor. We enjoyed the pig races...my personal favorite was Swill Clinton, but Hammah Montana was a personal favorite too.

Then it was off to the maze. Savannah wanted to be navigator. She is really a good navigator, but here is the problem...she doesn't wait for anyone else. Noah, well, he is a slow walker...he mosey's, just like his dad.

We made it about halfway through, following a long series of Savannah, hurry ups and Noah, catch ups. By this time Noah was near tears because his legs hurt so bad, so I took over. (And if you scroll through Savannahs Facebook comments, you will find out how she felt about me taking over.) By the way, if you ever want to get through a corn maze fast...let me 'drive'. I had it down to a science. We were out in 5 minutes.

So then we made it to the hay ride, and we got an extra long one because they had to pick up the tire that fell off of the hay ride before us. While we were on the hay ride, we got to watch the UHP helicopters circle, along with the KSL helicopter around another part of Thanksgiving Point. And you know what, I watch COPS way too much, because I totally knew there was somebody they were looking for. And gas is too expensive for helicopters to just come and hang out at the corn maze.

We decided to finish up with the bouncy bubbles. Baylee, Caleb and Megan had the time of the their lives, while Felix and Savannah checked out the rocks. Poor Noah just sat on a bench and hung his head.

We left and stopped at a cute little pumpkin patch in Highland and picked out our pumpkins. By the time we got home, Noah had a ginormous fever. Maybe I should start checking before I tell him to quit whining.

Lessons Learned
1. I totally want to take my kids to a haunted house or forest just to freak 'em out.
2. Corn Mazes are more fun in the dark.
3. Holiday stuff is WAY more fun with family.
4. I need to find the stupid connector cord for my camera so I can post pictures.
5. I want to take Noah back when he is feeling better so it will at least not be a bad memory.

They're Fake!

Okay, the blog below shows reasons why it is good to be me. Actually, they're fake. All of those 'things' have kinda, sorta happened the past few weeks, but those are the catalyst that gets me thinking about why it's good to be me.

So here is why it REALLY is good to me:

1. I have a very hectic life that leaves me little time to dwell on the stressful stuff.

2. I have 4 wonderful kids who like to talk and imagine and make their possible futures HUGE!

3. I have a 12 year old that is really good at reminding me why less hormones is not necessarily a bad thing.

4. I have a 9 year old that makes Dr. Seuss' imagination look like Dick and Jane can read.

5. I have an 8 year old that refuses to quit (in a REALLY, REALLY good way).

6. I have a 4 year old that likes to tell me that even though I am his best friend, he is still going to marry Megan Grant.

7. I have a (age omitted) husband who is incredibly patient with my imagination and goings on.

8. I have a (age omitted) husband who works really hard so the rest of us can explore and learn.

9. I have wonderful people around me, who although must be rolling their eyes at this point, are great to stand around me and have another good chuckle.

10. I have been blessed to learn the lesson that no matter how hard things get, at least I'm here for the ride.

Lessons Learned
1. Sometimes I really have to search through the trials to find the blessings, but they are always there.
2. It isn't going to be easy, so stop expecting it to be that way.
3. If you accept things as they are, instead of trying to make them what you want them to be, it is SO much easier.
4. You don't have to work as hard as you think you do to make everything 'Perfect'. Maybe things are perfect just the way they are.
5. Find even the smallest bit of good, makes the bad just that more tolerable.

Gosh, It's Good to Be Me

Given the usual crazy events of the past few weeks, I thought I would jot down a few of the reasons why it's 'Good to be me'.

1. My children know I am shallow enough they can tell me I am pretty to get my laundry basket.

2. My children know I am not smart enough to have conversations about the workings of the galaxy, so they will pick me to make themselves feel better about what they do know (I am just giving like that).

3. I'm so good, I only have to sit down to ruin someones day.

4. I have perfected the art of 'loving everyone else' more than the child that is talking to me.

5. I never take time for myself. One less thing on the 'To-do' list.

6. I'm smart enough to hide in the bathroom.

7. But dumb enough to come back out.

8. I have lost enough brain cells that I am able to find profound lessons in cartoons.

9. I have enough brain cells left that I realize there really are profound lessons in cartoons.

10. When my head isn't busy spinning off, it is sitting quietly upon my shoulders looking baffled.

Lessons Learned
1. There is more to me than meets the eye.
2. Maybe too much.
3. A hectic life has to kill brain cells...that is the only explanation.
4. Or maybe, they are all hiding....hmmmmmmm.
5. Maybe there is more going on than I think.

Have a Nice Trip! See Ya Next Fall!

Before I begin this sordid little tale, a big HIGH FIVE to LORE for inspiration on the title! Thanks for the funny this morning.

Ahhhh, the second Thursday night of the month...YAY Bunko!!! I hadn't really been out since my surgery and was so very excited to have some time giggling with the girls! I knew I wasn't going to be able to stay and have some laughs the whole time, but you would be amazed how much I can fit into a short period of time.

I got to Liz's house and as usual the house was filled with exotic and delicious smells (Liz is a FAB-O cook, chef really). While the final preparations were going on, we chatted in the kitchen waiting for the stragglers and finding out if everyone was going to be able to make it.

People (except for those who were going to be really late) had arrived and the food was ready. After a blessing on the food, it was time to dig in! Curry chicken, yummy sauce, fruit, salad the works! I love bunko...really, it isn't about the game, it's about the food.

Because I am a separatist eater, I like to get my food relatively close to last. Before everyone thinks I am a food bigot, I like to mix my food too, just a little bit at a time. I have a sensitive palate...OKAY? I got a little of everything, neatly organized on my plate and began to head down the stairs to the group.

I made it down the first few stairs...NO PROBLEM. Somewhere in the middle, something went horribly wrong. I felt myself rapidly falling backwards and so like any normal person, I threw everything in the air, grasped for something to hold onto and then enjoyed the ride of my life on my bum.

THUD, THUD, THUD

I remember three hits to the tush, could be more, could be less. I was there, but wasn't planning on counting anything so I didn't.

And then I saw the mess in front of me. Food everywhere. Ice water covering the floor. A red plastic cup...but where the heck was the plate? It really did take me like two whole minute to find the plate. It was behind the chair near the open top lamp. Oooohhhhhh, that reminds me... Note to Liz: Check the lamp for bits of food.

Thank goodness for my friends who were overly concerned about my clumsy self. Thanks for the laughs. And thanks for loving me even though I am a total dork.

Lessons Learned
1. Ow.
2. I am SO grateful for my cushy bum.
3. Friends love you even when you are a dork....a really, really big dork.
4. Laughter (again) is really the best medicine.
5. When going to friends houses that have wood floors, wear gripper socks.

The Great Fruit Fly Invasion of 2009

Fruit flies are common, not so common you see them every day. Common enough, that the occasional piece of fruit gone bad (so sad) brings them out and annoy you until you have cleaned the mess and swatted at them until you are so irritated you can scream....and then they are gone.

Last week we asked Savannah to empty the garbage in one of the bathrooms. She had a fit because there were fruit flies around the garbage. World War Three ensued and eventually the Allies (Mom and Dad) won and Savannah took the garbage out of the house screaming that they were following her and somebody open the door.

I decided to go see how bad it was. It wasn't and then I lectured the kids about taking food upstairs and throwing food away in the garbage cans that WERE NOT emptied every day. After my superior lecture on the proper care of garbage, Noah and Baylee both looked at me and said, "Did you look up?" Huh?

I go back up to the bathroom, look up and find like millions, OKAY, hundreds of fruit flies. GROSS. I almost felt bad about Savannah screaming at that point. ALMOST.

So I opened the window, took off the screen and tried to shoo them out. It didn't work. No worries, I'm a fighter. I grabbed my environmentally friendly bottle of Windex made with vinegar and went after the buggers (get it? buggers).

After half a bottle of Windex, nearly an entire roll of paper towels and after 125 captured or killed, I stopped counting.

By that time I was a bit cheeky. In my best accent (of which I have none), I meandered around the bathroom telling the evil doers "Say 'ello to my leetle fren'." I would catch them, squish them and show them to the remaining fruit flies with the understanding that they were next.

Eventually, there were but two left...until I went into the other bathrooms. Savannah and Felix had been doing research at this point and found the best remedy for capturing fruit flies.

Put about a half inch of apple cider vinegar in a cup, cover REALLY TIGHTLY with plastic wrap and poke with small holes. Place the cup where the fruit flies gather and they will crawl through the holes and get trapped. On occasion, the nasty critters will find a way out, but overall there is a 90+% success rate.

AWESOME!!!

Lessons Learned
1. No one is eating upstairs again ever...especially fruit. Fruit is a kitchen only food.
2. The internet really DOES have all the information you could possibly imagine.
3. I think I may have a dark side when it comes to critter killin'.
4. We all have to do things we don't want to, but in this case I WANTED TO.
5. We are down to about 2 in the whole house and they don't have long to live!

I'll Save You!!!

I made a quick run to the grocery store. As usual, I was living in my own happy little world. I made my way to the car pondering the plight of the world. As I got closer to my car, I noticed a particularly still body, yes a body, in the car parked in front of me. Thinking that someone had left a child in the car (and having been in that situation before), I completely flipped out, grabbed my cell phone to call 911, and ran to the car.

Though it was only 15 feet away, I arrived breathless in anticipation of the horrid scene I would see. In a panick, I peered through the window and made eye contact with the glazed eyes of a lifeless mannequin.

Reality is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Wish you were here.

Lessons Learned

1. Being alert is good.
2. Pretending to be alert is bad.
3. I was just trying to help.
4. Thank goodness I didn't dial, but I WOULD HAVE.
5. There is no cure for stupidity.

It Might Be a Monday If...

It might be a Monday if...

...a friend wants to know who eats the 'bread butts' at your house.

...you find a corn cob holder (with the really long pointy things) in your bed.

...you receive a dissertation on why 1 is NOT plenty.

...you are bombarded with questions about the accuracy of pinpointing meteors and asteroids and their current trajectory towards earth (yes, he is 9).

...there is an argument over whether the earth revolves around a particular person OR the sun.

...you keep finding blown up pool rafts all over the house.

and finally, it might be a Monday if...

...you have to tell the 4 year old to take the underwear off of his head before he says prayer.

Lessons Learned

1. I suppose Monday has its' perks.
2. Still not a fan of Monday.
3. Maybe I need to find compassion for Monday. I mean, if I am this complainy, imagine how Monday feels when EVERYBODY hates it.
4. It is nice to know that humor doesn't pause on Monday.
5. I'm glad it's Tuesday.